How to Irritate and Confuse People: A Case Study
I don’t know what it is about the internet that causes people to forget what it means to be a human being. Look at the speed at which comments threads degenerate into hateful, vitriolic invective–people spew things out via their fingertips that they wouldn’t say out loud to someone who was mugging or divorcing them. But it’s a two-way street, and to me, what’s perhaps more interesting than moments when somebody forgets that s/he is talking to a REAL PERSON, are moments when the writer seems to forget that s/he him/herself is a REAL PERSON. I’m not asking for Victorian etiquette here. I’m just saying that when you pop into a stranger’s inbox, unannounced, in a message with no subject-line, from a personal email address with a joke-name (“redhotstudonearth”–seriously) asking that stranger to give you things without explaining who you are, what exactly you’re asking for, what you hope to do with it, or why you deserve it… I mean what do you expect is going to happen?
After the jump, the transcript of an utterly surreal email exchange I had yesterday, with annotations.
TO ME:
3/5/09 2:21 AM
(no subject)
Hi my name is ———- and i am from liverpool England but i live in poland.
My polish friend has her own company in marketing and publishing here in poland.
Would you be interested in any of your books being published over here in english and polish and also where i can get in formation on other writers addresses.
I thank you for your time and look forward to your reply.
Regards
———
+
I REPLY:
3/5/09, 8:28 AM
——,
Thanks for writing. I appreciate the thought, but I have an agent who takes care of this sort of thing for me.
Yours,
Justin
+
[ANNOTATION #1: This person has written me a letter. It came to the email address on my website, so he probably has at least read some of my work, possibly even after reading my blog posts here on Giant. He’s being nice, he’s clearly enthusiastic. The main problem right now is vagueness, combined with over-reaching: Do I want any of “my books” published in English and Polish? Will I give him “other writers addresses”? Friend, you have given me no clue as to who you are or what you want. Even if I wanted to help you, how could I? Which other writers? To talk to them about what? And re “[my] books,” what does that mean? I edited a couple anthologies, but I don’t possess the rights to any of those stories, so I can’t authorize a translation of either of those. My poetry chapbook is available for translation, and I do possess all those rights, but that was a relatively unknown publication, and this person doesn’t mention if he’s heard of it or seen it. So the only thing I can assume is that he maybe heard I have a short story collection coming out next year, and is talking about that? Assuming this to be the case, I gave him the only honest answer I had, which is that I don’t handle my own foreign rights, or even know exactly what they are. Between my agent and the press that bought the book, they could maybe help him. I mean they do this sort of thing all the time, right? But of course, this isn’t even his own press he’s writing on behalf of. He’s just helping out his (anonymous?) friend.]
+
TO ME:
3/5/09, 8:50 AM
I am trying to generate business for this friend and i want to know how to get business i.e from you???
Any ideas???
Reading is huge here in poland.
+
[ANNOTATION #2: Wow. I don’t even know–or want to know–what this person’s idea of “getting” business “from” me involves, but it doesn’t really sound like something I stand a lot to gain from. Not that everything has to be about the bottom line (uhh, it pretty much never is- there’s hardly ever a bottom line at all, much less one with numbers on it) but I’m starting to get the feeling I’m being shaken down. Is this a pay-to-play sort of publisher? If so, why not just say so? At least then we could be talking about something (“thanks but no thanks.”) Meanwhile, I still don’t know the name of his friend, their company–assuming such exists–or what kind of work they’re looking for. But this guy wants to know if I have “Any ideas???” ….about what, exactly? I mean it’s good to know reading is huge in Poland, but why am I suddenly the idea man for a possibly imaginary Polish literary concern? Also, since of all the people you could have written to you chose to write to me, I don’t think it’s out of line or narcissistic to ask WHAT OF MINE DID YOU ACTUALLY READ? I’m not looking to get my ego stroked- I just want to know why I’ve been asked to have this conversation. Again, even if I was interested in helping–which obviously at this point I’m not–there’s pretty much no way that I could.]
+
I REPLY:
3/5/09, 9:23 AM
——-, I appreciate your trying to help your friend, but you’ve given me basically no information about yourself or your friend’s company. I don’t even know its name, much less what it’s looking to publish– poetry? fiction? I don’t know you, and after two emails, I still don’t have a reason to trust you or give you any information. With all due respect, man–and again, I’m sure that you only mean well–but this seriously isn’t helping her.
Best,
Justin
+
TO ME:
3/5/09, 6:24 PM
Over 5,000 people worldwide know me as i have been 2 19 countries and worked in 11 of them. Have given free advice all my life and saved 4 peoples lives in britain risking my own and all i ask is for informatio on how to get contacts.
In april i am back in england and no doubt someone will ask me for some advice and if i dont know them i wont see any harm giving them some.
I wanted to prove to my friend here i can do anything so as i cannot i will get her to write to you about her compay and what she does. Not sure if it will be in polish or english.
Thanks anyway
——-
+
[ANNOTATION #3: This is the part where words fail. Notice how our friend is simultaneously aggressive and defensive, the sheer fucking bizarreness of his claims, the implication that I have made a grave mistake of some kind. But also notice that even in this note, I assume intended to be a sort of nyah-nyah about the opportunity I’ve missed, he still doesn’t actually ever tell me any of the things that might—might—get our conversation to some level of reality. Even when he’s making the utterly insane statement that “all i ask for is information on how to get contacts” (and don’t you love that “all i ask for”?) he still hasn’t told me who he wants to talk to or what he wants to talk to them about. Email addresses are easy to find- anyone can get them, more or less. He found mine, right? A “contact” is more like an introduction, as in, “Hey Blake, you’re going to get an email from —- in a few minutes; I just met him but he seems pretty cool; he’s interested in [insert whatever here].”]
And so ends our saga, because I’m not writing back to this guy again. It’ll be fascinating, maybe, if his friend ever actually writes to me. I’ll keep you posted.
Tags: netiquette, Poland, solicitations
winner winner chicken dinner
winner winner chicken dinner
The official HTMLGiant t-shirt should say “Reading: It’s huge in Poland.”
The official HTMLGiant t-shirt should say “Reading: It’s huge in Poland.”
People who use Latin abbreviations yet don’t use capital letters (or even limit themselves to one question mark per sentence) boggle my mind.
People who use Latin abbreviations yet don’t use capital letters (or even limit themselves to one question mark per sentence) boggle my mind.
justin taylor is awesome.
justin taylor is awesome.
I had a similar experience on Facebook. It reeked of scam, but for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out the end game of the scam. Some guy wanted to translate my poems, but couldn’t tell me which poems and it was clear he didn’t read any of my work — although he insisted he was a big fan. Maybe he expected me to be flattered into idiocy. He wouldn’t tell me where the translations would end up, if there was a particular project he had in mind. He asked questions about my family. He told me that was the way of his culture. I told him I ran a small press and thought his approach was unusual. He asked me if I’d publish his book. He was very aggressive and strange. Did he think he was going to make money from translating my poems? Or was he planning on trying to extract money from me for the “translations” down the road? He was from India (I was at least able to confirm this from an IP address and he gave a snail address in India to mail books and an author photo). I said the poems were online, get them from there. He insisted I snail mail him hard copies. I told him I couldn’t afford the postage. He was too creepy and shady for me to continue any kind of correspondence.
I had a similar experience on Facebook. It reeked of scam, but for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out the end game of the scam. Some guy wanted to translate my poems, but couldn’t tell me which poems and it was clear he didn’t read any of my work — although he insisted he was a big fan. Maybe he expected me to be flattered into idiocy. He wouldn’t tell me where the translations would end up, if there was a particular project he had in mind. He asked questions about my family. He told me that was the way of his culture. I told him I ran a small press and thought his approach was unusual. He asked me if I’d publish his book. He was very aggressive and strange. Did he think he was going to make money from translating my poems? Or was he planning on trying to extract money from me for the “translations” down the road? He was from India (I was at least able to confirm this from an IP address and he gave a snail address in India to mail books and an author photo). I said the poems were online, get them from there. He insisted I snail mail him hard copies. I told him I couldn’t afford the postage. He was too creepy and shady for me to continue any kind of correspondence.
Blake: we should steal this. Kfan, thanks!
Blake: we should steal this. Kfan, thanks!
wow, this makes you look kind of like a douche justin.
The first response was courteous and direct. the second response was just as defensive and dick as his.
i think this conversation would have gone a lot more cordial if you emailed him the questions in the annotations instead of your cute/smug response.
don’t get me wrong this person is probably an ass and deserves being treated like carpeting, but, you just as much as an ass hat as him.
also i think this person is having difficulty expressing himself accurately in english and/or cultural differences.
you are just as much at fault as he is. you have no right to complain.
wow, this makes you look kind of like a douche justin.
The first response was courteous and direct. the second response was just as defensive and dick as his.
i think this conversation would have gone a lot more cordial if you emailed him the questions in the annotations instead of your cute/smug response.
don’t get me wrong this person is probably an ass and deserves being treated like carpeting, but, you just as much as an ass hat as him.
also i think this person is having difficulty expressing himself accurately in english and/or cultural differences.
you are just as much at fault as he is. you have no right to complain.
The person claimed to be from “liverpool, england” — they speak English there. He said he lived in Poland and “his friend” was from there.
This person was being intentionally obtuse and trying to divert attention from the fact that he is not in any way familiar with Justin’s work.
The person claimed to be from “liverpool, england” — they speak English there. He said he lived in Poland and “his friend” was from there.
This person was being intentionally obtuse and trying to divert attention from the fact that he is not in any way familiar with Justin’s work.
i kind of agree with jereme
he pointed a knife at you, you could have given him a flower
i kind of agree with jereme
he pointed a knife at you, you could have given him a flower
you should have given him fake contacts
Tao Lin
345 Main St
Brooklyn, NY 00023
George Saunders
9299 Main St, Apt 5V
Ithaca, NY 00024
Don DeLillo
71-24-11 Main St
Brooklyn, NY 00024
you should have given him fake contacts
Tao Lin
345 Main St
Brooklyn, NY 00023
George Saunders
9299 Main St, Apt 5V
Ithaca, NY 00024
Don DeLillo
71-24-11 Main St
Brooklyn, NY 00024
yeah dude, fucking relax. my life would suck even more if i got this upset over trivial shit. all you have to do is delete the email. this feels really mean. here here savoca, die with the flower in your hand.
yeah dude, fucking relax. my life would suck even more if i got this upset over trivial shit. all you have to do is delete the email. this feels really mean. here here savoca, die with the flower in your hand.
reb,
yes like i said this guy probably is a jerk off and deserves to be treated like a jerk.
justin posted about how people are mean spirited online.
he gave a great example by posting his email exchange. both acted like douche bags.
i hugged justin at awp. he felt new and smooth like something fresh and unused.
reb,
yes like i said this guy probably is a jerk off and deserves to be treated like a jerk.
justin posted about how people are mean spirited online.
he gave a great example by posting his email exchange. both acted like douche bags.
i hugged justin at awp. he felt new and smooth like something fresh and unused.
yeah, i guess i dont agree with jereme and matthew. i think justins emails are straightforward and honest. how does this make him look like a ‘douche’?
justins email is pretty formal, explains his reasoning for turning down this offer and for not passing along more contacts, and offers the emailer advice as to what sorts of information he’ll need to give out in the future in order to better help his ‘friend’ from poland. the only blip in tone is that last bit at the end…
yeah, i guess i dont agree with jereme and matthew. i think justins emails are straightforward and honest. how does this make him look like a ‘douche’?
justins email is pretty formal, explains his reasoning for turning down this offer and for not passing along more contacts, and offers the emailer advice as to what sorts of information he’ll need to give out in the future in order to better help his ‘friend’ from poland. the only blip in tone is that last bit at the end…
you didn’t hug me you fuck.
you didn’t hug me you fuck.
yeah i only hugged justin to make him feel uneasy. you actually wanted a hug. i went in to hug you then i panicked and thought ‘what if my doesn’t meet sam’s expectations’ and i pushed you away.
i am good at pushing people away.
yeah i only hugged justin to make him feel uneasy. you actually wanted a hug. i went in to hug you then i panicked and thought ‘what if my doesn’t meet sam’s expectations’ and i pushed you away.
i am good at pushing people away.
justin can post whatever he wants. we don’t have to agree with it. that being said, i felt kind of sick to my stomach reading this. it was like watching the creative writing instructor play intellectual bully – beating the shit out of the first time writing student. something about it makes justin come off as such a superior, his reaction and words placed on such a pedestal, the selfish nature of the post, it’s just all kind of disgusting. good day for justin taylor, bad day for htmlgiant.
justin can post whatever he wants. we don’t have to agree with it. that being said, i felt kind of sick to my stomach reading this. it was like watching the creative writing instructor play intellectual bully – beating the shit out of the first time writing student. something about it makes justin come off as such a superior, his reaction and words placed on such a pedestal, the selfish nature of the post, it’s just all kind of disgusting. good day for justin taylor, bad day for htmlgiant.
I’m in the anti-justin camp here, but I’m suspecting the post was meant to be satirical and ironic because it’s such a ridiculous reaction (UNREAL PERSON begets UNREAL PERSON), and meant to stimulate vitriolic responses against Justin in the very manner Justin describes.
I’m in the anti-justin camp here, but I’m suspecting the post was meant to be satirical and ironic because it’s such a ridiculous reaction (UNREAL PERSON begets UNREAL PERSON), and meant to stimulate vitriolic responses against Justin in the very manner Justin describes.
let’s kill him.
let’s kill him.
Maybe it’s because I’m a woman/mom — but I regard the person who contacted Justin to be a predator. It’s not clear what exactly this person is trying to get, but there’s something incredibly manipulative and wrong about it.
Mom says nice girls shouldn’t be nice to predators. Nice boys shouldn’t either.
Maybe it’s because I’m a woman/mom — but I regard the person who contacted Justin to be a predator. It’s not clear what exactly this person is trying to get, but there’s something incredibly manipulative and wrong about it.
Mom says nice girls shouldn’t be nice to predators. Nice boys shouldn’t either.
ryan,
we can disagree. that is fine. i will break down why i think he’s being a douche.
justin writes:
“Thanks for writing. I appreciate the thought, but I have an agent who takes care of this sort of thing for me.
Yours,
Justin”
this email is okay. i think a better response would have been to tell the person to contact his agent and/or press and provide contact information.
justin writes:
“——-, I appreciate your trying to help your friend, but you’ve given me basically no information about yourself or your friend’s company. I don’t even know its name, much less what it’s looking to publish– poetry? fiction? I don’t know you, and after two emails, I still don’t have a reason to trust you or give you any information. With all due respect, man–and again, I’m sure that you only mean well–but this seriously isn’t helping her.
Best,
Justin”
which is not direct at all. justin is thinking these thoughts (per his notes):
WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE COMPANY
WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE ANONYMOUS FRIEND
IS THIS A PAY TO PLAY PUBLICATION
WHAT TYPE OF WRITING ARE THEY INTERESTED IN
HAVE THEY READ MY WORK
WHAT ARE THE DETERMINING FACTORS THAT INFLUENCED THIS PERSON TO CHOOSE ME FOR PROPOSITION
DO I WANT MY WORK TRANSLATED
WHY ISN’T THIS PERSON CONTACTING THE PRESS
WHY DOES THIS PERSON WANT CONTACTS FROM ME
WHAT TOPIC DOES THIS PERSON WANT TO DISCUSS WITH ANY CONTACTS I PROVIDE
Justin did not ask these questions. Justin responded smug and passive aggressive.
The person feels extremely devalued now and reacts emotionally.
Justin creates this post to illustrate how great of a person he is and how insane and/or mean spirited this person is.
this post is mean spirited and its only accomplishment is to mock the anonymous emailer.
i think if justin would have responded with the questions he wanted answered this email exchange would have gone completely different.
ryan,
we can disagree. that is fine. i will break down why i think he’s being a douche.
justin writes:
“Thanks for writing. I appreciate the thought, but I have an agent who takes care of this sort of thing for me.
Yours,
Justin”
this email is okay. i think a better response would have been to tell the person to contact his agent and/or press and provide contact information.
justin writes:
“——-, I appreciate your trying to help your friend, but you’ve given me basically no information about yourself or your friend’s company. I don’t even know its name, much less what it’s looking to publish– poetry? fiction? I don’t know you, and after two emails, I still don’t have a reason to trust you or give you any information. With all due respect, man–and again, I’m sure that you only mean well–but this seriously isn’t helping her.
Best,
Justin”
which is not direct at all. justin is thinking these thoughts (per his notes):
WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE COMPANY
WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE ANONYMOUS FRIEND
IS THIS A PAY TO PLAY PUBLICATION
WHAT TYPE OF WRITING ARE THEY INTERESTED IN
HAVE THEY READ MY WORK
WHAT ARE THE DETERMINING FACTORS THAT INFLUENCED THIS PERSON TO CHOOSE ME FOR PROPOSITION
DO I WANT MY WORK TRANSLATED
WHY ISN’T THIS PERSON CONTACTING THE PRESS
WHY DOES THIS PERSON WANT CONTACTS FROM ME
WHAT TOPIC DOES THIS PERSON WANT TO DISCUSS WITH ANY CONTACTS I PROVIDE
Justin did not ask these questions. Justin responded smug and passive aggressive.
The person feels extremely devalued now and reacts emotionally.
Justin creates this post to illustrate how great of a person he is and how insane and/or mean spirited this person is.
this post is mean spirited and its only accomplishment is to mock the anonymous emailer.
i think if justin would have responded with the questions he wanted answered this email exchange would have gone completely different.
i’m confused, who said justin can’t post what he wants to post?
i’m confused, who said justin can’t post what he wants to post?
i think you might over analyze things
i think you might over analyze things
i’m really tired.
i’m really tired.
i absolutely over analyze things.
but there’s no room to be suspicious? He’s giving us Paris Hilton as his only ally. “How to Irritate and Confuse People: A Case Study” It seems natural to me, since he began with talking about comments in htmlgiant, that the study he is talking about extends into these very comments.
i absolutely over analyze things.
i absolutely over analyze things.
but there’s no room to be suspicious? He’s giving us Paris Hilton as his only ally. “How to Irritate and Confuse People: A Case Study” It seems natural to me, since he began with talking about comments in htmlgiant, that the study he is talking about extends into these very comments.
i absolutely over analyze things.
ok
ok
i’m also really confused. didn’t you commend justin up above?
are you that wishy washy or did you just not read his post at first?
i’m also really confused. didn’t you commend justin up above?
are you that wishy washy or did you just not read his post at first?
i know you do. it is part of your charm.
i was curious if you were aware of it. but i should have known that you already analyzed it.
i know you do. it is part of your charm.
i was curious if you were aware of it. but i should have known that you already analyzed it.
Gosh, Justin, it looks like you both irritated and confused people. That’s kind of cool. However, I don’t entirely agree with Jeremy because if you were a douche then that would imply that the Polish guy is a dirty cunt. And I just don’t think that is true.
Jeremy? Since you’re gay and you are kind of avoiding hugging people like Sam Pink, who is gay, will you go on a date with me?
Gosh, Justin, it looks like you both irritated and confused people. That’s kind of cool. However, I don’t entirely agree with Jeremy because if you were a douche then that would imply that the Polish guy is a dirty cunt. And I just don’t think that is true.
Jeremy? Since you’re gay and you are kind of avoiding hugging people like Sam Pink, who is gay, will you go on a date with me?
justin looked like a super-geek at awp. it made me giggle a lot.
justin looked like a super-geek at awp. it made me giggle a lot.
yes but you are paying for everything and I want to go to red lobster and eat those yummy garlic cheese biscuit things.
after that let’s pay to see the watchmen movie and i will put your dick in my mouth and suck on it
yes but you are paying for everything and I want to go to red lobster and eat those yummy garlic cheese biscuit things.
after that let’s pay to see the watchmen movie and i will put your dick in my mouth and suck on it
oh, and steven trull. i went to your blog and all i saw was loads and loads of videos. what’s wrong? don’t have any real talent? and you’re insecure because of it, so you have to call people “gay”?
oh, and steven trull. i went to your blog and all i saw was loads and loads of videos. what’s wrong? don’t have any real talent? and you’re insecure because of it, so you have to call people “gay”?
just kidding, steven.
but i wasn’t kidding about justin.
just kidding, steven.
but i wasn’t kidding about justin.
Actually, Gena, thanks for the compliment. I don’t have any talent, which is why I am here. Nevertheless, I will go on a date with you even though I am gay. I visited your blog and it was really cute. All the stuff on it sounded so much like everybody else’s. I want to sound like everybody else, too. Will you go on a date with me?
Actually, Gena, thanks for the compliment. I don’t have any talent, which is why I am here. Nevertheless, I will go on a date with you even though I am gay. I visited your blog and it was really cute. All the stuff on it sounded so much like everybody else’s. I want to sound like everybody else, too. Will you go on a date with me?
i was kidding steven. please don’t insult a young girl like myself. it hurts.
i was kidding steven. please don’t insult a young girl like myself. it hurts.
I’m sorry. If we knew each other better, we would know how to be funny with each other without being hurtful to each other. I didn’t know. I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to hurt you.
I’m sorry. If we knew each other better, we would know how to be funny with each other without being hurtful to each other. I didn’t know. I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to hurt you.
hahahaha yeah….
we can be friends, steven. don’t worry.
hahahaha yeah….
we can be friends, steven. don’t worry.
i was being sarcastic.
i was being sarcastic.
i’m really disappointed with myself for getting involved in this comment thread.
i’m really disappointed with myself for getting involved in this comment thread.
i feel really stupid right now.
i feel really stupid right now.
buck up, guy. i just bought your book.
it’s the internet. it’s not that serious. your ego won’t be tarnished by a few comments that people will forget about tomorrow.
buck up, guy. i just bought your book.
it’s the internet. it’s not that serious. your ego won’t be tarnished by a few comments that people will forget about tomorrow.
You’re awesome!
You’re awesome!
shane,
well thank you for spending some of your precious time with the gutter trash. we do appreciate it.
but cheer up. you didn’t take responsibility for any of your actions and i’m sure no one will notice/remember tomorrow
shane,
well thank you for spending some of your precious time with the gutter trash. we do appreciate it.
but cheer up. you didn’t take responsibility for any of your actions and i’m sure no one will notice/remember tomorrow
thank you.
thank you.
hahahaha okay
hahahaha okay
i think everyone should be nice to one another. it makes me sad to see people argue about…well, i don’t even know. i didn’t even read the post. but i’m sure it’s petty bullshit.
i am going to take a bath now.
i think everyone should be nice to one another. it makes me sad to see people argue about…well, i don’t even know. i didn’t even read the post. but i’m sure it’s petty bullshit.
i am going to take a bath now.
I’ve tried to analyze myself into a not-over-analyzer but the logic fails. It will say on my tombstone, Here Lies Darby Larson, He Overanalyzed Things.
I’ve tried to analyze myself into a not-over-analyzer but the logic fails. It will say on my tombstone, Here Lies Darby Larson, He Overanalyzed Things.
i am in a good mood, i agree people should be nice. why am i in a good mood? maybe it is friday.
i am in a good mood, i agree people should be nice. why am i in a good mood? maybe it is friday.
The second e-mail reminded me of a Nigerian e-mail scammer. That wasn’t an “emotional” response. The guy was definitely laying out bait. Without any “bona-fides” presented or anything of substance in any of his e-mails I assume he was a “scammer”, nigerian or not, whatever. Maybe it was Echelon. I hear there are a lot of hot slave bots in Eastern Europe.
It’s so ridiculous to “pick on” justin for this post that my liver is protesting by disintegrating into my bloodstream. But maybe darby is right and that was jt’s intention, I don’t know. That would be clever.
The second e-mail reminded me of a Nigerian e-mail scammer. That wasn’t an “emotional” response. The guy was definitely laying out bait. Without any “bona-fides” presented or anything of substance in any of his e-mails I assume he was a “scammer”, nigerian or not, whatever. Maybe it was Echelon. I hear there are a lot of hot slave bots in Eastern Europe.
It’s so ridiculous to “pick on” justin for this post that my liver is protesting by disintegrating into my bloodstream. But maybe darby is right and that was jt’s intention, I don’t know. That would be clever.
That wasn’t meant to be a reply specifically, but there we go.
That wasn’t meant to be a reply specifically, but there we go.
Um, Jeremy? I have crabs, but I can still take you to Red Lobster.
Um, Jeremy? I have crabs, but I can still take you to Red Lobster.
trull sends me nice chapbooks in the mail.
thank you steven,
sincerely,
j
trull sends me nice chapbooks in the mail.
thank you steven,
sincerely,
j
Me, too. I never read these posts. I just write about a bunch of stuff, like, out of nowhere or something. It’s really the best approach, you know? Just kind of close your eyes and write comments about stuff. I do look at the pictures that accompany each post, though. Maybe that’s what I’m responding to. I like you Gena. You’re smart.
Me, too. I never read these posts. I just write about a bunch of stuff, like, out of nowhere or something. It’s really the best approach, you know? Just kind of close your eyes and write comments about stuff. I do look at the pictures that accompany each post, though. Maybe that’s what I’m responding to. I like you Gena. You’re smart.
Oh my gosh! Thanks, John. That was a super nice thing to write. You know, I try to keep things like that secret. So, you just outed me! I’m almost done with my thing. When are you going to have another party? The last one was so much fun. Everyone was drunk and making out with each other. That’s what poets and writers and artists and other cool people do when they’re together, I guess. Anyways, thank you again. (I have a bunch of your stuff, too, but you’re not supposed to know, but now you do.)
Oh my gosh! Thanks, John. That was a super nice thing to write. You know, I try to keep things like that secret. So, you just outed me! I’m almost done with my thing. When are you going to have another party? The last one was so much fun. Everyone was drunk and making out with each other. That’s what poets and writers and artists and other cool people do when they’re together, I guess. Anyways, thank you again. (I have a bunch of your stuff, too, but you’re not supposed to know, but now you do.)
i know it’s probably not healthy, but i just want to say that i am really pro-stephen trull right now
i feel like getting made fun of by stephen trull is like getting a bag of expensive coffee from a colombian farmer or a license plate from an inmate or maybe just a cookie from somebody who makes cookies really well..
okay, that paragraph was a little sarcastic but i am serious, i want to be “roasted” by stephen trull
stephen trull, can you study something about me a little bit and post a comment making fun of me as a reply to this comment? does it break the game if i ask you to do it? i’m not sure how to negotiate these meta-waters. all my uncle ever gave me was a speedboat and a noogie
i know it’s probably not healthy, but i just want to say that i am really pro-stephen trull right now
i feel like getting made fun of by stephen trull is like getting a bag of expensive coffee from a colombian farmer or a license plate from an inmate or maybe just a cookie from somebody who makes cookies really well..
okay, that paragraph was a little sarcastic but i am serious, i want to be “roasted” by stephen trull
stephen trull, can you study something about me a little bit and post a comment making fun of me as a reply to this comment? does it break the game if i ask you to do it? i’m not sure how to negotiate these meta-waters. all my uncle ever gave me was a speedboat and a noogie
*steven! not stephen
*steven! not stephen
note to gene: i am now in favor of discontinuing the comments sections of posts.
you guys are killing me over here.
mostly laughing killing, but still.
when will the relaxmeds fall into the watersupply
note to gene: i am now in favor of discontinuing the comments sections of posts.
you guys are killing me over here.
mostly laughing killing, but still.
when will the relaxmeds fall into the watersupply
I’m not 100% behind my theory, just kind of throwing it out there in a search for truth. Things struck me as strange not only with the email sent to Justin but Justin’s responding to it. If I’d received the mail, and I think I’ve received mails like this, I’d laugh at it then delete it. The fact that Justin took it so seriously, liek how could this human being be so horrible, it’s like taking a telemarker who calls you seriously, like questioning their motives, etc. Just hang up, these kinds of people/things exist in the world.
I’m not 100% behind my theory, just kind of throwing it out there in a search for truth. Things struck me as strange not only with the email sent to Justin but Justin’s responding to it. If I’d received the mail, and I think I’ve received mails like this, I’d laugh at it then delete it. The fact that Justin took it so seriously, liek how could this human being be so horrible, it’s like taking a telemarker who calls you seriously, like questioning their motives, etc. Just hang up, these kinds of people/things exist in the world.
I feel like these comments are not that bad. like they have been much worse. I am in a good mood today, maybe that is getting in my way of seeing things badly.
I am always in favor of disabling comments though. instead of submitting comments, when you click the button, it should just play brian eno music.
I feel like these comments are not that bad. like they have been much worse. I am in a good mood today, maybe that is getting in my way of seeing things badly.
I am always in favor of disabling comments though. instead of submitting comments, when you click the button, it should just play brian eno music.
and oh, why does justin have an agent?!
and oh, why does justin have an agent?!
or maybe when you press the submit button it would send you to lemonparty.com which would make up for the lost “meanness” from disabling comments.
or maybe when you press the submit button it would send you to lemonparty.com which would make up for the lost “meanness” from disabling comments.
“On Some Faraway Beach”
I’d comment more than I already do but I’d be more comfortable about it.
“On Some Faraway Beach”
I’d comment more than I already do but I’d be more comfortable about it.
Reb- thank you for your words. Yeah, I thought the same thing by the end of it: the guy was trying to scam me. But out of what? I wonder why your guy wanted hard copies so bad. I sort of thought maybe something to do with identity theft- like weird incidental artifacts of a life, to prove you “are” somebody.
The rest of you- I wasn’t trying to pull rank or whatever- it’s just the truth. I sold a book of short stories. Somebody who isn’t me owns the World English rights to those stories now. I signed a paper that said they did. They don’t own the foreign rights to them. Happily, I still own those, but I don’t know what to do with them, whereas the agent does, which is why she handles them. Other people have other arrangements–this one is mine. I don’t bring it up to try and piss anybody off, it just happens to be relevant to this particular story. But I also want to be really clear that I’m neither ashamed nor sorry. There seems to be a strong undercurrent in lit-land that failure is a romantic ideal. Sorry guys, but I’m not buying it. I’m all for the underdog and the outsider, but assuming you actually value the work of those people, don’t you have to hope for their success rather than their perpetual degradation?
I busted my ass on those stories, and to sell that book, and I’m not apologizing for the modicum of success I’ve achieved. I hope to achieve much more of it, and if that idea fills you with such revulsion, then we really don’t have anything else to say to one another. Other people have other jobs–I have this one. (Well, this one plus my other job as a teacher, which *actually* pays my bills, but that’s a different story.)
And to answer Jereme’s question directly– yes, there’s a reason I didn’t give out any contact info to this person, and it’s exactly the reason Reb cited. At first, when the guy seemed well-meaning but inept., I thought I would give him her company’s name, as I’ve given it to many other people who have asked for it, but then I decided I didn’t trust him, so I thought I’d hold off until we saw what happened. By stage two, I was feeling like the mark for a grift. By round three I felt like I was dealing with a crazy person, and hence I stopped interacting.
This post has two possible purposes for existing: (1) the guy was totally in earnest. If so, he needs to understand how badly he was misunderstood, and creeped me out, and why this is a bad way to go about approaching strangers for their work. He can either email me and start over, or have his friend do it, or decide I’m a dick and not write me again. Any of the three is fine. (2) the guy is indeed trying to pull some shit, as Reb suggests and as I am inclined to also believe. In that case, the post really isn’t about him and his feelings, since he’s a criminal. It’s more of a post about realizing you are about to get scammed, and then turning tail to run the other way.
Reb- thank you for your words. Yeah, I thought the same thing by the end of it: the guy was trying to scam me. But out of what? I wonder why your guy wanted hard copies so bad. I sort of thought maybe something to do with identity theft- like weird incidental artifacts of a life, to prove you “are” somebody.
The rest of you- I wasn’t trying to pull rank or whatever- it’s just the truth. I sold a book of short stories. Somebody who isn’t me owns the World English rights to those stories now. I signed a paper that said they did. They don’t own the foreign rights to them. Happily, I still own those, but I don’t know what to do with them, whereas the agent does, which is why she handles them. Other people have other arrangements–this one is mine. I don’t bring it up to try and piss anybody off, it just happens to be relevant to this particular story. But I also want to be really clear that I’m neither ashamed nor sorry. There seems to be a strong undercurrent in lit-land that failure is a romantic ideal. Sorry guys, but I’m not buying it. I’m all for the underdog and the outsider, but assuming you actually value the work of those people, don’t you have to hope for their success rather than their perpetual degradation?
I busted my ass on those stories, and to sell that book, and I’m not apologizing for the modicum of success I’ve achieved. I hope to achieve much more of it, and if that idea fills you with such revulsion, then we really don’t have anything else to say to one another. Other people have other jobs–I have this one. (Well, this one plus my other job as a teacher, which *actually* pays my bills, but that’s a different story.)
And to answer Jereme’s question directly– yes, there’s a reason I didn’t give out any contact info to this person, and it’s exactly the reason Reb cited. At first, when the guy seemed well-meaning but inept., I thought I would give him her company’s name, as I’ve given it to many other people who have asked for it, but then I decided I didn’t trust him, so I thought I’d hold off until we saw what happened. By stage two, I was feeling like the mark for a grift. By round three I felt like I was dealing with a crazy person, and hence I stopped interacting.
This post has two possible purposes for existing: (1) the guy was totally in earnest. If so, he needs to understand how badly he was misunderstood, and creeped me out, and why this is a bad way to go about approaching strangers for their work. He can either email me and start over, or have his friend do it, or decide I’m a dick and not write me again. Any of the three is fine. (2) the guy is indeed trying to pull some shit, as Reb suggests and as I am inclined to also believe. In that case, the post really isn’t about him and his feelings, since he’s a criminal. It’s more of a post about realizing you are about to get scammed, and then turning tail to run the other way.
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every one else was doing it
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every one else was doing it
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today’s show was brought to you by the symbol question mark
today’s show was brought to you by the symbol question mark
Justin? I want to be famous, too. Not because it is romantic, but because I actually enjoy lots of degradation–not because I am an outsider or an underdog, but because I am a masochist. Just ask Mike. But, also because all of my friends are crazy and I want to help them. Like most of my friends are Mexican and because they are Mexican they are gay, so, they listen to a lot of Morrissey. And I want to buy them all these Morrissey records so they won’t feel so crazy all the time. I’m glad you’re not Mexican, Justin, cause then you don’t have to worry about stuff like that. You can buy your own Morrissey records and just pretend to be crazy (a writer) all the time.
And Justin, when I am finished with my thing and I become famous, I am going to make sure that there is no copyright stuff on it so that people who are not famous can use my stuff to become famous, too. Cause I think it would be fun if everyone was famous.
And just so you know, Justin, I don’t have a job. I live on welfare and food stamps, which is really great cause I can go to Whole Foods or Trader Joe’s for free. And the welfare is cool because although there is not a lot of it I can still go to poetry readings and Target cause they have sales there. When I get my stimulus check I am going to buy a rifle (for my date with Sam) and RID 1-2-3 Lice Eliminator System (for my date with Jereme). So, when you write that you have “two” jobs it really makes me happy cause it’s like you are helping me out, too!
Justin? Will go on a date with me after I go on a date to CJ Barbecue with Gena next Thursday night?
Justin? I want to be famous, too. Not because it is romantic, but because I actually enjoy lots of degradation–not because I am an outsider or an underdog, but because I am a masochist. Just ask Mike. But, also because all of my friends are crazy and I want to help them. Like most of my friends are Mexican and because they are Mexican they are gay, so, they listen to a lot of Morrissey. And I want to buy them all these Morrissey records so they won’t feel so crazy all the time. I’m glad you’re not Mexican, Justin, cause then you don’t have to worry about stuff like that. You can buy your own Morrissey records and just pretend to be crazy (a writer) all the time.
And Justin, when I am finished with my thing and I become famous, I am going to make sure that there is no copyright stuff on it so that people who are not famous can use my stuff to become famous, too. Cause I think it would be fun if everyone was famous.
And just so you know, Justin, I don’t have a job. I live on welfare and food stamps, which is really great cause I can go to Whole Foods or Trader Joe’s for free. And the welfare is cool because although there is not a lot of it I can still go to poetry readings and Target cause they have sales there. When I get my stimulus check I am going to buy a rifle (for my date with Sam) and RID 1-2-3 Lice Eliminator System (for my date with Jereme). So, when you write that you have “two” jobs it really makes me happy cause it’s like you are helping me out, too!
Justin? Will go on a date with me after I go on a date to CJ Barbecue with Gena next Thursday night?
oh shit! sounds fancy, steven. what’s cj barbecue exactly?
oh shit! sounds fancy, steven. what’s cj barbecue exactly?
I don’t know. It’s just some place along highway 150 or something. I hope you are not too much of a vegetarian. I am. So, I will be eating stuff that’s not meat. I hope that we can get drunk together. And then talk about stuff together for a long time.
I don’t know. It’s just some place along highway 150 or something. I hope you are not too much of a vegetarian. I am. So, I will be eating stuff that’s not meat. I hope that we can get drunk together. And then talk about stuff together for a long time.
Justin- Tony O’Neill addresses this whole ‘sell out” shit very well in an interview. He said something to the extent of- yeah, we start out small because we had no choice because of the nature of our work, but we want everyone to read our shit, of course. And then he said something great like, we want our stuff to be replacing the Gideon Bible in hotels. I love that. He makes what he makes and he never compromised in his work. But does he want the whole world to read him? Of course.
why are people vegetarians?
why are people vegetarians?
i am not a vegetarian. no no no. and sorry to disappoint, but i can’t drink. :(
boo!
i am not a vegetarian. no no no. and sorry to disappoint, but i can’t drink. :(
boo!
Because they’re gay.
Because they’re gay.
save a cow, eat a vegetarian
save a cow, eat a vegetarian
does pitchforkmedia let people comment? htmlgiant should do exactly whatever pitchfork media does
does pitchforkmedia let people comment? htmlgiant should do exactly whatever pitchfork media does
the comments are not more absurd than a lot of the posts. jimmy chen is my favorite. are there going to be htmlgiant collecter’s cards? i want a mint condition signed jimmy chen rookie card, golden border if possible, ill pay whatever
the comments are not more absurd than a lot of the posts. jimmy chen is my favorite. are there going to be htmlgiant collecter’s cards? i want a mint condition signed jimmy chen rookie card, golden border if possible, ill pay whatever
blake:
disabling the comments would be ridiculous, the majority of people who come here do it for the comments. most of the posts themselves are just average. you’re too smart not to know this.
justin:
did you get my email about rutgers?
everyone:
i think you are all telling the truth.
steven trull:
you are still a fucking idiot.
blake:
disabling the comments would be ridiculous, the majority of people who come here do it for the comments. most of the posts themselves are just average. you’re too smart not to know this.
justin:
did you get my email about rutgers?
everyone:
i think you are all telling the truth.
steven trull:
you are still a fucking idiot.
barry, you’re one of the reasons i come here. if comments didn’t exist, neither would you.
blake, please don’t take barry away from me. i’m a lonely, desperate man, and barry’s one of the last few things i have to hold onto, all 4 inches of him.
barry, you’re one of the reasons i come here. if comments didn’t exist, neither would you.
blake, please don’t take barry away from me. i’m a lonely, desperate man, and barry’s one of the last few things i have to hold onto, all 4 inches of him.
keith:
im not sure whats more pathetic and sad, the fact that you take blog comments personally or the fact that you memorized what someone that you dont even know, said in a comment weeks ago. either way, you’re family and friends must be very proud that you’re alive.
keith:
im not sure whats more pathetic and sad, the fact that you take blog comments personally or the fact that you memorized what someone that you dont even know, said in a comment weeks ago. either way, you’re family and friends must be very proud that you’re alive.
that’s rather presumptuous of you barry, what makes you think i have family and friends?
that’s rather presumptuous of you barry, what makes you think i have family and friends?
i felt like saying it for the point of saying it rather than the application of saying it
truthies
i felt like saying it for the point of saying it rather than the application of saying it
truthies
yeah, iz noz. its 12 noon on sunday, mr butler. you’re not at morning worship?
yeah, iz noz. its 12 noon on sunday, mr butler. you’re not at morning worship?