November 25th, 2009 / 4:20 pm
Web Hype

On Violence

1635_gardiner.jpgDostoyevski, Orwell, Žižek n’ crew have written far more compelling meditations on violence, but I figure I’d have a go at it (being an asian-canadian near-sighted pacifist and all), and this all in time for Thanksgiving.

To draw parallel’s between our Father’s pilgrimage and their genocide of Native Americans would be didactic and predictable. Any person, as I do, who enjoys the opulent grounds of American soil best not critique the ways in which such grounds were brought forth. War equals land, and we have landed. If the Native Americans had their way, we’d all be in England right now; I hear the gin is okay, but that Queen is a bitch. So, we won’t talk about war.

Picture 2

"This bird is juicy," Still Frame, 0:55 sec (2009)

We will, however, talk about turkey fucking, or “fucking turkeys” (hereby FT), depending on your course of rhythm. Let not the picture suggest that I am not serious here, because I am. There are many websites (in overlap with the porn industry) that feature “extreme content,” one of which I occasionally browse for “research purposes.” I came across my leg many instances of FT, all featuring random men penetrating game and manipulating them for dire purposes (poultry in motion is too cheap a pun, even here). At one point, the man seen above holds the turkey by its wings to neutralize the amorous momentum imposed on it, such that it does a cute (can I use “ironic” here?) turkey dance. By 1:06 sec he removes the bird and ejaculates the conventional non-bestial way. When FTing, one hopes the bird is thawed to room temperature, perhaps even pre-heated to mimic body temperature (not that I ever considered, I’m just a thorough thinker).

Yes, I have a point. From now until Jesus Christmas everyone around you — your co-workers, your extended family, your friends — will sort of do a collective consumerist freak out and either a) feel obligated to buy gifts for others so they are not deemed patriotically or morally corrupt, or b) feel entitled to receive gifts, being the angels that they are — and this is not just some cynical view. What is cynical is that we need instructions on when and how to be nice to each other, and that the cued exchange of our humanity rests not on our actions, but on our credit cards. Why stick your head in the sand when you can stick it in the mall. Economics is the only new land left, follow the west far enough and you’ll run into China.



“Black Friday” refers to this Friday, when many stores will open at 12:00AM offering devicefully limited extreme discounts which will invariably lead to the trampling death of our less agile. The phrase originally referred to the financial crisis of 1869, and the word black (in line with our racial etymology) is not used as a term of endearment. Don’t worry though, all Black Fridays eventually lead to a White Christmas.

From Orwell’s “All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others,” let us gather that turkeys are not as equal to us. Humans have a way of taking what is not theirs, until, with those perennial acts of entitlement, it becomes theirs (and to think Turkey was the Ottoman Empire). To read Das Kapital is to buy it first (now can I use “ironic”?). I’m no Grinch, I’ll buy the gifts I have to buy and wrap them horribly. I’ll suffer through this like I do every year, weaving past the inappropriately happy people. Talk about taking a birthday party too far. I do believe that Jesus lived, that he was a profound and good man, just not that he risen. Myth and hope are often the same thing. In short, I’ll see you in hell.

I hate to end this on a Freudian [butt] plug, but are you Fucking or Being Fucked? Maybe it’s both. The gravy train never runs dry, as this gentleman aptly demonstrates at 1:06. Have a good Thanksgiving mañana, and hand me that napkin.



  1. jereme

      i really wish you would post more.

  2. jereme

      i really wish you would post more.

  3. Blake Butler

      you need to write an essay book. dang.

  4. Blake Butler

      you need to write an essay book. dang.

  5. Roxane Gay

      Excellent. That picture will haunt my dreams tonight.

  6. Roxane Gay

      Excellent. That picture will haunt my dreams tonight.

  7. Ken Baumann


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