April 5th, 2009 / 10:48 pm
Web Hype

Tattoo Madness (a guest missive from the Tyrant)

A report on the way in from way out from Master Giancarlo DiTrapano:

Ah ha ha ha ha.  You have GOT to be kidding me.  After smoking a joint with my coffee this morning, I began to cruise around Facebook (I feel like less of a loser when I Facebook stoned).  That’s when I came across this absolute JEWEL of a tattoo.  Just look at it.  Behold it….

velocitytattoo

First, I thought it was a joke.  Not only is it the title (altered slightly) of a David Eggers book, but it is the title of his absolute worst one.  Now, Eggers has written a cool thing or two, I will admit.  And he helps all the kids learn to write with irony and stuff at those 666 places. I even once read a nice paragraph that Eggers wrote. The thing is, just never two in a row.  I think that’s his style though.  Modulation sells.  Wait, back to the tattoo: Is this tattoo supposed to be funny? I’m going to go out on a limb here and recommend that we all think to ourselves that it is.  For if the reality is that it is not supposed to be funny, then the sad marring of this heavenly sculpted back is certain to overtake me on this first real beautiful day of spring in New York City.

To be fair, here are my tattoos.  Laugh away.

photo-20

photo-25

So who else has the lit tattoo or whatnot? Let’s have a hear at it?

Anyone who happens to be a part of Shelley Jackson’s SKIN who emails me gets both issues of No Colony free.

Tags: ,

49 Comments

  1. pr

      I love Gian.

  2. pr

      I love Gian.

  3. ryan

      i have a few song lyrics tattooed on me. an image that is a adaptation of a greek myth, and a saying in latin. among a few others. and though i happen to like that particular Eggers book, i would not get that particular tattoo. and as far as SKIN, that was new to me as of yesterdays post here on the Giant, but my wife and i are considering applying…

  4. ryan

      i have a few song lyrics tattooed on me. an image that is a adaptation of a greek myth, and a saying in latin. among a few others. and though i happen to like that particular Eggers book, i would not get that particular tattoo. and as far as SKIN, that was new to me as of yesterdays post here on the Giant, but my wife and i are considering applying…

  5. Rachel
  6. Rachel
  7. Blake Butler

      haha oh man

  8. Blake Butler

      haha oh man

  9. JW Veldhoen
  10. JW Veldhoen
  11. Rob

      I think that Velocity quote is great. And the novel it’s taken from. It was Eggers’ first novel and even though What is the What is a more consistent piece of writing, I’ve read few books with as much energy as You Shall Know Our Velocity. Also, I’ll take Eggers’ prose over just about anyone out there. But I don’t have any tattoos, so I probably don’t know what I’m talking about.

  12. Rob

      I think that Velocity quote is great. And the novel it’s taken from. It was Eggers’ first novel and even though What is the What is a more consistent piece of writing, I’ve read few books with as much energy as You Shall Know Our Velocity. Also, I’ll take Eggers’ prose over just about anyone out there. But I don’t have any tattoos, so I probably don’t know what I’m talking about.

  13. Jonny Ross

      i’m friends with a girl who has the whole of that bill hicks quote begining “All matter is merely energy condensed into a slow vibration etc” tattooed around her groin area. food for thought, indeed.

  14. Jonny Ross

      i’m friends with a girl who has the whole of that bill hicks quote begining “All matter is merely energy condensed into a slow vibration etc” tattooed around her groin area. food for thought, indeed.

  15. daniel bailey

      tattoos made of words usually look bad, but i can’t judge. i don’t have any tattoos.

      i had a dream the other night where i got a tattoo tattooed onto my arm of a shitass bird that i scribbled onto my arm with ballpoint half asleep and tried to hide it from my parents for the rest of my sleep.

      i am tired of being asleep, but whatever.

      and i feel like making fun of dave eggers or making fun of people who like dave eggers is pointless in the same way that making fun of someone who likes the crocodile hunter is pointless in the same way that making fun of someone who likes eating their own shit is pointless in the same way that making fun of someone who likes jesus is pointless.

      i like something about jesus. i don’t know what. i like the idea of eating my own shit just to shut myself up.

      what i mean is…

      what i mean is nothing.

      i don’t understand people making fun of peoples’ tattoos if they don’t know the person, unless it’s just some real “fashionable look at me” shit like chinese characters or a butterfly or something celtic, etc.

      it can be fun to make fun of something. make fun of people for actual bullshit things if the fun gon’ be made of someone.

      i don’t know what actual bullshit is.

      i am tired.

      i am going to bed.

      i am sorry to bother with this bullshit as long as i bothered with it.

  16. daniel bailey

      tattoos made of words usually look bad, but i can’t judge. i don’t have any tattoos.

      i had a dream the other night where i got a tattoo tattooed onto my arm of a shitass bird that i scribbled onto my arm with ballpoint half asleep and tried to hide it from my parents for the rest of my sleep.

      i am tired of being asleep, but whatever.

      and i feel like making fun of dave eggers or making fun of people who like dave eggers is pointless in the same way that making fun of someone who likes the crocodile hunter is pointless in the same way that making fun of someone who likes eating their own shit is pointless in the same way that making fun of someone who likes jesus is pointless.

      i like something about jesus. i don’t know what. i like the idea of eating my own shit just to shut myself up.

      what i mean is…

      what i mean is nothing.

      i don’t understand people making fun of peoples’ tattoos if they don’t know the person, unless it’s just some real “fashionable look at me” shit like chinese characters or a butterfly or something celtic, etc.

      it can be fun to make fun of something. make fun of people for actual bullshit things if the fun gon’ be made of someone.

      i don’t know what actual bullshit is.

      i am tired.

      i am going to bed.

      i am sorry to bother with this bullshit as long as i bothered with it.

  17. Matt

      ‘You Shall Know Our Velocity’ should be on the stomach or the neck. Tough it up and make the shit happen.

      No lit tattoos on me. I have a few movie quotes though.

  18. Matt

      ‘You Shall Know Our Velocity’ should be on the stomach or the neck. Tough it up and make the shit happen.

      No lit tattoos on me. I have a few movie quotes though.

  19. br

      eggers = donald barthelme without the good.

      it’s not about making fun of people who like eggers. it’s about standing up for people whose work you like/dislike. we can say that shit.

      people need to say that shit more and not be pussies and we’d have more literary fistfights instead of backrubs all the time.

  20. br

      eggers = donald barthelme without the good.

      it’s not about making fun of people who like eggers. it’s about standing up for people whose work you like/dislike. we can say that shit.

      people need to say that shit more and not be pussies and we’d have more literary fistfights instead of backrubs all the time.

  21. Blake Butler

      champion gal, that

  22. Blake Butler

      champion gal, that

  23. Gian

      Not cool to make fun of Dave Eggers anymore starting in 3…2….1…

      3….2….1….Yes! Now it’s cool again!!!

  24. Gian

      Not cool to make fun of Dave Eggers anymore starting in 3…2….1…

      3….2….1….Yes! Now it’s cool again!!!

  25. pr

      I want to see Matthew Simmons’ tatttoos.

  26. pr

      I want to see Matthew Simmons’ tatttoos.

  27. GC

      I have a tattoo of a screaming, pissed-off eagle gripping a skull with fire shooting from its wailing mouth. Beneath the image, in gothic font, along a tapered scroll, reads:

      THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF NICHOLAS NICKLEBY

      The scroll is surrounded by a bevy of yin-yang symbols and flying skeletons and tastefully appointed silver Victorian tea services.

  28. GC

      I have a tattoo of a screaming, pissed-off eagle gripping a skull with fire shooting from its wailing mouth. Beneath the image, in gothic font, along a tapered scroll, reads:

      THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF NICHOLAS NICKLEBY

      The scroll is surrounded by a bevy of yin-yang symbols and flying skeletons and tastefully appointed silver Victorian tea services.

  29. Matthew Simmons
  30. Matthew Simmons

      Smooches.

  31. Matthew Simmons
  32. Matthew Simmons

      Smooches.

  33. daniel bailey

      i just don’t understand the point of shit-talk, except for maybe the shit-talked. everyone just accidentally talked about eggers’ books even though they maybe didn’t want to.

      maybe i’m speaking in eggers’ defense because eggers was one of the guys that opened me up to reading books that weren’t stephen king or something like that. even if he’s not as cool as most of the stuff that i’ve read since, he was at least a good gateway writer. i’m sure other people had the same experience with him.

  34. daniel bailey

      i just don’t understand the point of shit-talk, except for maybe the shit-talked. everyone just accidentally talked about eggers’ books even though they maybe didn’t want to.

      maybe i’m speaking in eggers’ defense because eggers was one of the guys that opened me up to reading books that weren’t stephen king or something like that. even if he’s not as cool as most of the stuff that i’ve read since, he was at least a good gateway writer. i’m sure other people had the same experience with him.

  35. jereme

      pr,

      that makes two of us. i wish gian posted more.

  36. jereme

      pr,

      that makes two of us. i wish gian posted more.

  37. Blake Butler

      i like eggers, as a presence and with words

      tattoos are funny tho

  38. Blake Butler

      i like eggers, as a presence and with words

      tattoos are funny tho

  39. sam pink

      fuck dan bailey. fuck his crocodile hunter loving ass. i hate him. he’s terrible. i can’t talk shit about him because he is shit. i have to talk “dan bailey” about him. when he breathes, little babies get cancer. fuck dan bailey.

  40. sam pink

      fuck dan bailey. fuck his crocodile hunter loving ass. i hate him. he’s terrible. i can’t talk shit about him because he is shit. i have to talk “dan bailey” about him. when he breathes, little babies get cancer. fuck dan bailey.

  41. Gian

      A good writer doesn’t need defending.

      Daniel, buddy, this was supposed to get a laugh. Don’t get your panties all up in a bunch. Nothing is going to happen to Dave Eggers just because I poke a little fun at him. I think he’ll be around for a long time (unfortunately). (Remember what I said about the panties!)

  42. Gian

      A good writer doesn’t need defending.

      Daniel, buddy, this was supposed to get a laugh. Don’t get your panties all up in a bunch. Nothing is going to happen to Dave Eggers just because I poke a little fun at him. I think he’ll be around for a long time (unfortunately). (Remember what I said about the panties!)

  43. pr

      I saw that one! I read your blog. Gimme more.

  44. Ken Baumann

      You’re sassy and good.

  45. Ken Baumann

      Yar.

  46. Ken Baumann

      You’re sassy and good.

  47. Ken Baumann

      Yar.

  48. Rachel

      More pictures of contributor and commenter tattoos! Plllleeeeeeaaaaaaasssse?

  49. Rachel

      More pictures of contributor and commenter tattoos! Plllleeeeeeaaaaaaasssse?