“THEY TOOK THE DOORS OFF THE HINGES!” – Worker dies at Long Island Wal-Mart after being trampled in Black Friday stampede
"He was trampled and killed in front of me. They took me down too...I literally had to fight people off my back." - Jimmy Overby, Wal-Mart employee
Fuck, man. I passed Valley Stream on the way to my cousin Jeff’s for Thanksgiving yesterday. His wife asked me if I was planning to go to any of the big special sales. It took me a minute to figure out what she was talking about, then I said “why would anybody do that?”
Too bad nobody told those sick motherfuckers on Long Island about Buy Nothing Day. Oh, and just to give the rest of us some perspective:
"But Mom," my kids said when I told them what I'd done. "This is a FIRST-WORLD DEMOCRACY. Things like that might happen in Mexico, but not here." I told them they would understand when they got older.
A Thanksgiving Post: Secret Santa Update
Some things you won't regret include signing up for the HTMLGIANT Secret Santa Gift Exchange
Thank you everyone who has signed up so far for the HTMLGIANT Secret Santa Gift Exchange for Independent Literature. As of right now, we have 60 people signed up to take part in the gift exchange, including some people from the United Kingdom. I am amazed; this has sort of gotten out of hand. So thank you for this.
So. We have nine days until the due date. Those of you who are participating, I ask you for your help in spreading word. Some of you have already blogged about it; great stuff. Keep on doing that. Do other things too. Those of you who are still trying decide, well, you have plenty of time. I suggest you take Thanksgiving to think it over. Hopefully, you’ll get drunk and email us. Unlike other things that happen when you get drunk, this is one you won’t regret.
Let’s try for 100?
Black Ocean Black Friday
From Black Ocean Press:
***Buy One, Get One Free***
On November 28th, from 12:01am to 11:59pm, buy any book priced $11.95 or more and get a second title of your choice FREE (offer does not apply to issues of Handsome). Just write in a note on the PayPal order page which title you’d like to receive. And, as always: Free Shipping! Go to http://www.blackocean.org/catalog.html to place your orders.
Support independent publishing and have a very handsome holiday.
Um, can anybody say Rauan Klassnik’s HOLY LAND + Zach Schomburg’s THE MAN SUIT knockout blowjob? That will take you down harder than the turkey swelling. Get that shit together.
Mean Monday: Tao Lin is not a ‘good guy’
My ball skin wears thinner every time I hear/read the words ‘Tao Lin’. Statements like ‘Tao Lin is the King of Bloggers’, ‘I love Tao Lin’, ‘Tao Lin is a great guy’, and ‘Tao Lin saved my life’ are thrown around free and excessive. I don’t get it. Tao Lin is not a ‘good guy’ and he’s not necessarily a ‘bad guy’.
He’s a self-interested writer type of guy.
Most of Tao Lin’s persona attributes are misconstrued (specifically the guise of neutrality) by his readership of emotionally distraught teenage girls.
Leave a comment on Tao Lin’s blog; he’ll respond back with a very unimaginative ‘I am glad’ or ‘thank you for’ and end with restating your comment.
Reader: ‘Tao Lin your poetry saved my life’
Tao Lin: ‘Reader I am glad my poetry saved your life’
Send Tao Lin an email describing how “EEE EEE EEE” helped you survive being committed to a mental hospital for self-mutilation because you, as a human being, could not cope with the torture and abuse endured at home; he’ll respond with the same unimaginative reply of ‘I am glad’ or ‘thank you’ or may not reply at all.
Occasionally, he will freely give away books to people expressing desire to read a ‘Tao Lin book’ they may not be able to afford. Nothing altruistic exists in his actions.
He does not often post comments on other blogs. When he does, the comments will be centered around him completely dismissing the subject of the blog post. Don’t be surprised if he asks you what font size is used on that post about how your wife had a miscarriage.
Shock announcement: TAO LIN DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU.
Tao Lin is fond of citing his indifference, neutrality and world view. This is all part of his gimmick. Tao Lin is not indifferent or neutral and the only world view I can perceive is a world view of Tao Lin being famous.
Post a comment on Tao’s blog indicating you’re a professor wanting to teach his books to this year’s creative writing students; Tao Lin will interact and become very interested in your goals.
Email Tao letting him know you are a semi-famous person who enjoys his work; he’ll interact with you and blog about it.
Tao has spent monolithic efforts to promote his work and aesthetic. More hours have been spent trying to get linked by Gawker than replying to a single email from a teenage girl reaching out while feeling very alone and suicidal because her alcoholic step-father beats her.
Tao Lin is not indifferent.
A lizard is indifferent. It exists, bathes in the sun, eats, sleeps, and reproduces. That is indifference. What it doesn’t do is fret over being famous, promote its work with every breath and action, and desperately strive toward a very specific style/persona.
Tao Lin is far from indifferent. Don’t let him fool you. Don’t excuse what he does because he seems meek. He is quite aware of his actions.
I do not blame the emotionally damaged teenagers for confusing this concept. The rest of you are shameful.
HTMLGIANT is Secret Santa
Dear Readers,
We are pleased to announce our First Annual Secret Santa Gift Exchange to support independent literature.
Here’s how it works:
1) If you want to participate, email your name and mailing address to htmlgiant@gmail.com with the subject line: SECRET SANTA. The due date for this is Midnight on Friday, December 5th.
2) As soon as possible, we email you the name and address of your assigned gift recipient.
3) We assign your name and address to another Secret Santa.
4) By Christmas, you purchase for your gift recipient a wonderful gift and email us to let us know what you got him or her.
5) You simultaneously enjoy the gift that you receive from your own Secret Santa.
Frequently Asked Questions:
So why a Secret Santa gift exchange?
We at HTMLGIANT enjoy two things: promoting independent literature and surprising people. We figured a Secret Santa thing might allow us to do both. We hope that by doing this we can get independent literature into everyone’s faces, but in a way that would expose those faces to new, unheard of things. That’s the surprise part.
So what should I buy for my gift recipient?
Well sure, we have some suggestions. Buy a subscription to your favorite independent journal. Or buy a subscription to an independent journal you’ve heard good things about. Buy a book from one of the many small presses around the scene. Buy a book by an independent author. Buy a book in translation. Buy an anthology of work published by one of the many online literary journals. We can’t make you do any of this, really, but you should know that we certainly hope you’ll consider something of the sort. That was our intention. Maybe we’ll come up with a list of suggestions?
When should I buy and send my gift?
We don’t really know. We’re not very good at logistical problems. If you’re buying a subscription online, you could technically wait until Christmas Eve to pull out the credit card. But then your gift recipient wouldn’t have anything in hand to read and enjoy that morning. In this case, it might be worthwhile to send him or her an email and say, “Hey, guess what? I’m your Secret Santa and I just bought you a year’s subscription to such and such magazine.” If you’re buying him or her a book, maybe you should purchase it a week or two ahead and have the press/journal mail it directly. If you’re planning to mail it on your own, don’t wait until the last minute. There’s really no excuse not to. You have all you need to send the gift: a name and a mailing address. And remember, a late gift is better than no gift at all.
How do I learn the identity of my Secret Santa so that I can thank him or her?
Because HTMLGIANT will know who is paired with whom and what gifts everyone received, we will post a massive list on Christmas morning of all of the exchanges that occurred. Then you can comment on the list and post your thanks. Ultimately, we’d like to give everyone an idea as to how much cool stuff was received, how many independent presses and journals and authors benefited from your goodwill, how many people are into reading independent literature.
What if I already own what my Secret Santa purchased for me?
If you find out that you already own the gift, we encourage you to regift it to someone else. You might also consider commenting on our massive post to say how happy you are to receive such a wonderful gift, but that you already own it and would be willing to set up a trade with someone else. The idea here is to create some chaotic sort of gift exchange. In order to do that, we ask that you embrace the giving spirit of the holidays.
How can I avoid giving someone a gift that they already own?
Good question. We struggled over this one and came up with this: we recommend that you get people things they’d likely not have, such as a subscription to a small magazine you think you’ve discovered on your own, or a book just released by a small press. Check out catalogues to see what books have just come out.
So, that’s all. We really do hope you’ll consider participating. And spread the word. The more people, the better. If you have any other questions, please email us.
‘Soft Surrealism’
Johannes Gorannson’s blog Exoskeleton remains one of my favorites, a constant outsource of way-in-from-way-out spittle and barb on everything from piggery to Lynch to babble camps to etc. Even if sometimes it hits the head as heady, you can always count on Johannes to say it like no one else, and say it well.
For those of interest, there has just been posted a manifesto by Johannes and Joyelle McSweeney on the matter of ‘soft surrealism,’ which is spoken, if slightly in tongues, in a way that only they can: somehow combining the Project Pat with the Deleuze and all that leak.
Here’s one of the nodes I liked to like:
9. We think Ron’s got it wrong. The global epidemic of Surrealism derives not from its manifestos and pronouncements, the imperialist/ecumenical instincts of Breton, but because it has traveled with émigrés across borders and oceans, in a flux of disheveled genders, nationalities, and media, in the second-rate garments of sleep, dream, and game.
Yes. I am glad to see Breton for once not getting creditized out of the ass for something he barely seemed to stick a tongue on. I’ve had urinal cakes in my meatloaf for like 150000 weeks.
Johannes’s attitude reminds me of how Nation of Ulysses used to come off: “the serious unserious, the reverent irrevent” etc…
Ian Svenonious used to have some shit to say:
Now he just works for Vice magazine. Pleh.
Kathy Fish Fellowship now accepting applications
Sorry to bump the Boobs Friday post down, but Friday is nearly over and I’d like to post this before I forget. Also, I ate a really bad hamburger tonight, so I’m in a bad mood. It was one of those patties that are precooked and you just pull it out of the freezer and heat it up in the microwave. See, HEB was giving them away for free at one of their new stores here (they mailed out coupons or something) and I could not resist. I have three more left. I will probably eat those too and complain again. Sorry. I cannot control myself.
Okay, to the important information.
Smokelong has just announced that they are now accepting applications for the 2009 Kathy Fish Fellowship. You can read guidelines at their site, but here’s a nice excerpt:
We want to foster that sort of commitment to new writers, and in that vein, we created the Kathy Fish Fellowship. All writers previously unpublished in SmokeLong Quarterly are eligible to apply.
I like the idea for the fellowship. I wonder if other journals do this? I know The Southern Review has a fellowship (but it’s a little different), and maybe the folks at West Branch too?
Anyhow, the deadline is December 20th, so yeah. Send in your applications, people.
news break: Nebraska Revises Child Safe Haven Law
The work of unruly teens?
ALL POINTS BULLETIN: To anyone who was thinking about writing a story “premised” on the uber-inclusive Safe Haven law of the state of Nebraska, be aware that your work has just become HISTORICAL FICTION. (all text leads to full NYT article)
Top Google Image Search result for "historical fiction." Umm, okay.
The law was revised during an emergency legislative session this week, is supposed to be signed today, and will go into effect at 12:01 AM Saturday, i.e. tonight. So if you’ve got a baby, child, tween, or teen you’ve been waffling about getting rid of, I advise you to put petal to the metal RIGHT NOW, and decide if you’re really serious while you’re en route. For reference, this where you’re headed:
Stalking Sessions Revealed
Shane Jones wrote a post on his blog about who he thought had a job, who he thought didn’t, and who he didn’t know. It interested me a good deal, because I think we all passively ‘stalk’ one another without actually contacting each other. Of course, there are bloggers who become friends, but for the most part, we only have an abstract idea of people—abstractions which are enabled by this ‘virtual’ internet medium.
I thought it would be fun to tell you what I think I know about certain characters’ personal lives in this nearing incestuous lit blogosphere. One disclaimer: in writing this post, I have not done any research (i.e. checking their blogger profile for stats, etc.). The following information is solely based on my perception of these people based on aggregated passive stalking sessions via blogspot, flickr, facebook, etc. Again, these are all conjectures, except for when I state a fact.
Ryan Manning
I have a feeling Ryan either ‘gets a lot of chicks,’ or is a weird virgin. His relationships with females seem like they would be intense. He lives in Virginia and has a lot of time.
Brandon Scott Gorrell
Brandon lives in Seattle, and used to be a dork. Now he’s a hipster (I use this word neutrally) because his hair is shaped funny. He recently got a girlfriend, who I think is ‘hot,’ because when a man is very talented, he increases his chance of getting hot females. Brandon uses a PC.
Shane Jones
Shane posted an mpeg touring his house, in upstate NY. There was a cat, which is not surprising because Shane is sensitive. His blogroll is female only, and I think he’s making a political point. I think he probably has a girlfriend, and that he’s a considerate lover. He has some politically progressive job because right before the election, he had to go somewhere.
Blake Butler
Blake lives in Atlanta Georgia, which he’s always bitching about (people in the south are very vocal that they don’t like it there). I think he has a girlfriend. I haven’t seen any pictures of his room or home, but I have a feeling it’s a total mess.
Tao Lin
A lot of this everyone knows, because Tao is so open with his life: he lives in Brooklyn, is vegan, and works at a vegan café, I think. He used to live in Florida. As for his personal life, I think a lot of strange women are severely attracted to him, but I think it’s hard to get into a relationship with Tao because he’s a) very busy, and b) very intense.
Justin Taylor
I think Justin and Tao were roommates, or still are. I don’t know much about Justin, because he doesn’t blog (except at HTMLgiant) and his website just lists his projects. He exudes ‘intellectual.’
Ken Baumann
Ken is an actor. I’ve youtubed the show he’s on, about a teenage girl. I’ve also seen him in Audi commercials. Ken is ‘young’ and his tone is mature. I think he’s loaded, like has a big swimming pool that no one goes into.
Mark Baumer
Mark, of everydayyeah, used to live in Minnesota, and moved to LA. He helps edit Thieves Jargon. I don’t know anything about him other than that.
Aaron Burch/Elizabeth Ellen
I think they are married, or at least going out. I don’t know where they live, but I think it’s either Ohio, Indiana, or Iowa—like not in a big city. I know that they really like Bourbon and poker. I group Barry Graham with them because they know each other.
Barry Graham
Barry Graham could totally kick your ass, not because he has any martial arts skills, but just because he’s really large. Barry isn’t ‘artsy’ the way most people here are, and I like that.
Claudia Smith & Lydia Coupland
I group these two together because I think they are friends. Also, they are ‘the moms.’ A lot of their fiction involves being a mom.
Mazie Louise Montgomery
I know for a fact that’s not her real name, and anyone who was involved in the online lit world pre-2004 will recognize her real name, which I’m not going to disclose out of respect.
Mazie is obviously depressed. I think she has strange affairs with older men. She works at a library.
Zachary German
Zachary used to live in Pennsylvania and moved to Brooklyn because the former state could not contain his hipsterness. He’s gay and obsessed with food. He takes glamour shots with Ellen Frances, who is a NYC Warhol type of person who calls people she likes ‘geniuses.’ She is beautiful and I am sexually attracted to her.
Ellen Kennedy
I thought Ellen Kennedy and Elizabeth Ellen were the same people for the longest time because of the shared ‘Ellen.’ Ellen Kennedy is depressed and recently went ‘crazy,’ like literally institutionalized (she talks about it on her blog, so I don’t think I’m stepping on any toes.) She took ‘major ass’ pictures of forests for awhile, so I think the mental facility was in thick woods.
Scott Garson
Scott Garson edits Wigleaf, and I think he’s a dad. I saw a picture of him with long hair (down to the butt) and it seems he used to be some Pynchon obsessed literary ‘freak,’ and now he’s more normal.
Mike Young
Mike used to live in Portland, and now lives in Massachusetts. He sings well and plays guitar, kinda of a Jeff Tweedy way. I think he’s an honest good guy who sometimes gets depressed. He likes taking road trips, in that Kerouac way.
Sam Pink
Sam Pink is not his real name. He mailed me a chapbook from Indiana, I think. I have a feeling he is older, maybe 32 or something. I think his fiction is ‘real’ in the sense that he is utterly alone and abandoned, but despite his 1st person narrator, he doesn’t act like an asshole. Sam Pink is probably a pervert.
Colin Bassett
Colin lives in Indiana I think. He takes a lot of pictures looking outside windows from inside, and I think that’s a concept for him. He’s very effeminate, but I think he’s straight. He’s very thin because he’s often too detached to eat. He goes to the library often. I think he’s single, but somehow not lonely. He seems mature.
Noah Cicero
Noah lives in Ohio, that is very apparent. Somehow he has a whole house to himself, where he just shouts into the camera all the time. I think Noah thinks he’s Dostoyevsky. He is into politics and speaks in a manner which is not consistent with his high intelligence.
Gene Morgan
Gene recently became a dad. I think he lives around Texas, only because he does the website for Nano, which is some university in Texas’ creative writing journal. Gene, Barry, and Noah are like the ‘men,’ in the sense that all the other males on this list are sort of effeminate, in a literary Rilke/Proust kind of way.
Matthew Savoca & Colin Bassett
I group these two because they are in Europe. Matthew is in Italy, and Colin is in UK—though Matthew is an American expatriate and Colin is actually English. They are both thin and talented. I suspect they both get chicks.
Molly Gaudry
Molly is ‘new’ to this scene. I think she’s either Asian, Hapa, or Southeast Asian (which is Asian I guess). For those who don’t know, Hapa is when you’re any percent Asian. Like if your great grand mother had sex with a man who was ¼ Thai, you’d be hapa.
Ryan Call
I haven’t really followed Ryan Call. I don’t know, it’s like ‘Call’ is a very boring last name and I unfairly assume that he’s boring. He publishes in great print journals and has an interesting sister. I wish his name was Ryan Louvet Mallester, then I would become obsessed.
Matthew Simmons
Matthew Simmons lives in Seattle, and I wonder if he knows Brandon. Matthew works at a bookstore and I imagine him having a lot of hair, especially on his face.
Catherine Lacey
I saw some footage of Catherine brushing her teeth in the subway (NYC), and I think it was either an ‘art project’ or she wanted to have interesting material to post on her blog. Her name is sexy. I think all the NYC people hang out, or at least go to readings together. I saw footage of their behavior ‘in public’ and felt that I would be irritated if I met them in person.
—
I hope nobody is offended, or thought that I was being sarcastic about them. I’ve just been a little obsessed about all of you.
There are still some who I am obsessed about, but I got too tired typing. If you weren’t included in this list, I’m not being elitist, I’m just tired and want you to know that I’m probably obsessed about you too.
HTML Giant is almost Gender Neutral!
According to Gender Analyzer HTML Giant is only 54% male!
As for your new X-chromosome representatives, Soffi’s blog is probably written by a woman, while mine is decidedly written by a man!