Dear Rauan,… (1)
[ this is the 1st installment of my “Dear Rauan” advice column. special thanks to Kim Gek Lin Short for reminding me that I can and should “help people” ]
So, anyways, without further ado, here’s Sue, from the Midwest:
i hate when men yell from cars “god! i’m so horny!” sometimes when i am walking to Rite Aid to buy Otter Pops because it helps with side effects of global warming, i hear men screaming “god! i’m so horny!” it is so rude. one time it was particularly hot b/c of global warming, and my port-o-let (where i spend most of my time), is really hot. really, really hot. “god! i am so horny!” like a warm flaccid dick on my face. “god! i’m so horny!” so my question is, dear rauan, is global warming making men more horny?
thank you in advance,
1) First of all, Sue, there’s no such thing as Global Warming. Don’t you watch Fox News?
2) If these guys are all so horny why are their dicks warm and flaccid?
3) I dreamed the other night, Sue, that Hiromi Ito came to my party but then turned into Marie Calloway who turned into Marie Howe. She looked at me (Howe/Calloway/Ito) with her soft-doe eyes and said: “this better be good, Rauan, because I’m going to write all about it.”
4) How can I answer your question without knowing what you look like? (your breasts, your ass, your mouth– God Damn It, this global warming’s killing me!)
5) I once dreamed I was sitting on a toilet in the middle of a bookstore and two girls came in chatting about Tiger Woods and I got a moderate-sized hard-on. I tried to hide it. But then I was just, like, “what-the-fuck.” And the girls took their time, browsing, and chatting. And I just sat there.
6) Are you able to masturbate, vigorously, to Cloud Atlas? (if you can do that you won’t send me any more of these dumb-ass questions)
7) This isn’t Jereme Dean, is it?
glad I could help,
Tags: Dear Rauan