Dear Rauan,…(6)
Rauan — Ready to Help
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[ note: some letters, like this one, require immediate attention — which is fine by me, because, of course, I am here to help, day and/or night ]
Veronica from Northern California:
dear rauan,
my son is gay but far worse I think she’s a poet and I am quite anxious for her. I know I am a worry wart but poets in their poor little poetry fantasy world are such a sad sack full of bad laundry.
and people are cruel and hate! … rauan, I need to change my kid. what can I do? where can I send her?
thank you in advance
Veronica D.
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bad laundry (?)
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And, so–
Rauan Responds:
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Dear Veronica,
1) let’s start with Flannery: “He and the grandmother discussed better times. The old lady said that in her opinion Europe was entirely to blame for the way things were now. She said the way Europe acted you would think we were made of money and Red Sam said it was no use talking about it, she was exactly right.”
Europe’s to blame
2) This may be counterintuitive READ MORE >
Dear Rauan,…(4)
Rauan – Ready to Help
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[ helping people sometimes can be painful, yet liberating, but, as usual, I am here to help, in all my subtlety, & potency ]
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and this time we have Ariel from Denver:
dear rauan,
is it a good idea to castrate Patriarchy’s henchmen like Blake Butler, Rauan Klassnik, and Johannes Göransson? Some idiots say they’re exploring the darker side of human nature through an exaggerated male “lens” but I know in my soul that these guys are just straight-up misogynists.
I must confess, though, that one time I dreamed these three “doods” were forcing themselves on me (boot in the face, the Svelte Swede, and all that) and I woke up orgasming as hard as I’ve ever.
but tell me, dear rauan, should we castrate these vermins?
thank you in advance,
Ariel T.
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really (?)
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Dear Rauan,…(3)
Rauan – Ready to Help
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[ note: I’ve never been happier, never felt more fulfilled, because I know that I am helping people — and thanks again to Kim Gek Lin for turning me on to this xoxox ]
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and this time we have a desperate cry for help from Paul in Massachusetts:
dear rauan
my wife won’t fuck me because I’m not “alt lit” enough and when we do get hot and heavy she demands we role play tao lin and marie calloway doing 69 while we’re tripping on shrooms. And I just can’t do it, rauan, even though it does sound very erotic. One time, also, a whale stuck its head out of my wife’s Mumu (yes, this is what she makes me call it) and started licking my balls
and i was just freaked out
and i was just freaked out
and i was just freaked out
and i was just freaked out
…
…
is there something wrong with me, rauan?
thank you in advance,
Paul “boost” Refrere
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Science
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And, so–
Rauan Responds:
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Dear Paul,
1) first of all, “tao lin” READ MORE >
Dear Rauan,… (2)
Rauan – Ready to Help
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[ this is the 2nd installment of my “Dear Rauan” advice column. special thanks, again, to Kim Gek Lin Short for reminding me that I can and should “help people” ]
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and, anyways, this time we have Marc from California
dear rauan,
i’m up for tenure–this is not the route I thought my life would take, and in the meantime every where I turn I hear a snide bro poet remark about lower than prestigious writing school teachers with shit for names and shit for publications. hmmm maybe I could give my shit name-brain to htmlgiant and mar their tar-stained code of duress. but I’m motivated to pursue higher than dick personality types READ MORE >
Dear Rauan,… (1)
Rauan — Ready to Help
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[ this is the 1st installment of my “Dear Rauan” advice column. special thanks to Kim Gek Lin Short for reminding me that I can and should “help people” ]
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So, anyways, without further ado, here’s Sue, from the Midwest:
dear rauan,
i hate when men yell from cars “god! i’m so horny!” sometimes when i am walking to Rite Aid to buy Otter Pops because it helps with side effects of global warming, i hear men screaming “god! i’m so horny!” READ MORE >