Web Hype
Sommelier Says: Jereme Dean
There’s so much good whine out there that HTMLGIANT has instituted “Sommelier Says,” in which an indignant comment — either here or in our lit-blog vicinity — is studied for its complexities and rich character by this humble Sommelier. Today, we bring you Jereme Dean’s recent comment to P.H. Madore:
stop looking for kudos and emotional hand jobs and go your own way
Sommelier Says: Jereme Dean’s full-bodied redolence is rather pervasive. Just ask anyone who shares the bus with him on his “three hour commute.” A fan of Bukowski and Asian philosophy, his comments consist of grim verity, with hints of aging self-effaced misogyny and underlying currents of abnegation. His spicy black currant tongue, when not intra-labia, peppers this website with astounding truth. Never the diplomat, always the provocateur, his finish is very dry, with deep tannins which evoke the thickest of skins. This whine pairs perfectly with pudding.
BEST. FEATURE. EVER.
BEST. FEATURE. EVER.
Seriously, this is better than “explain yourself”
Seriously, this is better than “explain yourself”
YES.
who doesn’t like a hand job, emotional or otherwise?
YES.
who doesn’t like a hand job, emotional or otherwise?
hahaha this is awesome.
hahaha this is awesome.
intra-labia is definitely better than extra labia.
intra-labia is definitely better than extra labia.
Dammit!
Dammit!
sorry
sorry
So very, very solid, Mr. Chen. I tip my hat a hundred times.
So very, very solid, Mr. Chen. I tip my hat a hundred times.
I love this feature. So much.
I love this feature. So much.
Jimmmy!!
Jimmmy!!
I think I’ve been waiting for this feature my whole life.
I think I’ve been waiting for this feature my whole life.
to be honest i thought jereme kind of nailed it.
to be honest i thought jereme kind of nailed it.
why are you drinking wine from a juice glass?
why are you drinking wine from a juice glass?
Mmmmm. So good. Your taste buds are so refined, Jimmy.
Mmmmm. So good. Your taste buds are so refined, Jimmy.
Sommelier Says all the things that make Jereme rock.
Sommelier Says all the things that make Jereme rock.
that’s because i did nail it.
if haters be hating, i’m doing something right.
that’s because i did nail it.
if haters be hating, i’m doing something right.
Or juice from a wine glass? Jimmy was never the same after he got back from AA.
Or juice from a wine glass? Jimmy was never the same after he got back from AA.
‘when not intra-labia’
nice
‘when not intra-labia’
nice
jereme dean, the labia-pudding machine. i like jereme’s poem-format deliveries here too, simple sentences, clean and spaced out. i dig it, and this feature is hilarious jimmy, wine a juice glass for not.
jereme dean, the labia-pudding machine. i like jereme’s poem-format deliveries here too, simple sentences, clean and spaced out. i dig it, and this feature is hilarious jimmy, wine a juice glass for not.
amazing
amazing
i want this feature to by my grandfather.
i want this feature to by my grandfather.
i think a lot of people misinterpret jereme’s actions. but i guess it’s because they’ve never actually had a conversation with him…which makes me wonder how people are whole-heartedly “agreeing” with jimmy’s view—which is part of jereme’s personality, don’t get me wrong; however, it certainly isn’t his entire personality and i don’t think certain people understand that.
oh well.
i think a lot of people misinterpret jereme’s actions. but i guess it’s because they’ve never actually had a conversation with him…which makes me wonder how people are whole-heartedly “agreeing” with jimmy’s view—which is part of jereme’s personality, don’t get me wrong; however, it certainly isn’t his entire personality and i don’t think certain people understand that.
oh well.
ahhhhhhhhh…this reminds me of the htmlgiant of yesteryear. well done jimmy.
ahhhhhhhhh…this reminds me of the htmlgiant of yesteryear. well done jimmy.
I feel compelled to comment whenever anything makes me laugh out loud. This made me laugh out loud. I like to laugh out loud, especially when I’m not expecting to laugh out loud.
I feel compelled to comment whenever anything makes me laugh out loud. This made me laugh out loud. I like to laugh out loud, especially when I’m not expecting to laugh out loud.
I dig this feature.
I dig this feature.
adam, i got your back
adam, i got your back
i laughed out loud too
I could almost hear Miles from Sideways reading this to his gum-chewing actor friend at their first tasting.
i laughed out loud too
I could almost hear Miles from Sideways reading this to his gum-chewing actor friend at their first tasting.
you mean when it had more than one or two good contributors?
yeah. i agree, barry.
you mean when it had more than one or two good contributors?
yeah. i agree, barry.
dang gena, don’t make me sommelier says you
dang gena, don’t make me sommelier says you
does it make what i said better if i told you that you were one of the good contributors here?
i’m just saying. without some people, htmlgiant is less fun. was it ever meant to be a serious thing? i don’t think so.
does it make what i said better if i told you that you were one of the good contributors here?
i’m just saying. without some people, htmlgiant is less fun. was it ever meant to be a serious thing? i don’t think so.
uh oh, gena, don’t say anything contrary or jimmy will get you!
then after jimmy “gets you” all the passive aggressive spineless cowards will clamor and rush to leave a comment saying ‘good job’ or ‘awesome’ because they are too pussy to say how they feel directly to you
and of course they’ll continue to talk shit behind your back, well, because that’s what passive aggressive bitches do.
lol
uh oh, gena, don’t say anything contrary or jimmy will get you!
then after jimmy “gets you” all the passive aggressive spineless cowards will clamor and rush to leave a comment saying ‘good job’ or ‘awesome’ because they are too pussy to say how they feel directly to you
and of course they’ll continue to talk shit behind your back, well, because that’s what passive aggressive bitches do.
lol
jereme, gena & jimmy:
i <3 u
jereme, gena & jimmy:
i <3 u
i’d heart everyone if they weren’t such meanies. :(
i’d heart everyone if they weren’t such meanies. :(
it was sangria, not the perfect pic but it was all i had
it was sangria, not the perfect pic but it was all i had
dang jereme, i could sommelier says you all the time, but we need diversity. good job.
dang jereme, i could sommelier says you all the time, but we need diversity. good job.
i guess sommelier says is reserved for people who aren’t passive aggressive bitches. that sucks.
i guess sommelier says is reserved for people who aren’t passive aggressive bitches. that sucks.
jimmy you have my permission to sommelier says me every time. it’s a funny bit.
man some one should totally do a “passive aggressive what do you actually mean?” bit too.
that way all the fake people can be called out on the carpet and they can explain their back handed cowardly comments.
ken, i heart you too.
jimmy you have my permission to sommelier says me every time. it’s a funny bit.
man some one should totally do a “passive aggressive what do you actually mean?” bit too.
that way all the fake people can be called out on the carpet and they can explain their back handed cowardly comments.
ken, i heart you too.
and you can sommelier says me as well. although i’m not sure what i’m doing besides defending someone i care about? i guess that’s “like soooooo out” these days.
and you can sommelier says me as well. although i’m not sure what i’m doing besides defending someone i care about? i guess that’s “like soooooo out” these days.
“explain yourself” is second best.
“explain yourself” is second best.
It seems like some people read this as an attack on Jereme. I didn’t. I thought it was playful and in good humor. It doesn’t seem like Jereme was upset by it. I wish Jimmy would make fun of me like this, but then I never say anything interesting enough. . . I suck. Or maybe Jimmy sucks for not realizing that I don’t suck and that I deserve his wrath.
It seems like some people read this as an attack on Jereme. I didn’t. I thought it was playful and in good humor. It doesn’t seem like Jereme was upset by it. I wish Jimmy would make fun of me like this, but then I never say anything interesting enough. . . I suck. Or maybe Jimmy sucks for not realizing that I don’t suck and that I deserve his wrath.
i am fully aware that it wasn’t an attack on jereme. what jimmy wrote didn’t bother me, really. it’s what a lot of the commenters said that kind of upset me. like, “i’ve been waiting for this my entire life!” uh, have you really? statements like that just don’t make any sense to me. i rarely see these people try to actually get to know jereme. it seems as though they’re stuck on his abrasive exterior simply because they don’t care to see more of him, and it’s just easier to say negative things about him. and don’t say people haven’t said negative things—i know who has, even if i don’t acknowledge it.
i just don’t understand how people can criticize someone when they know absolutely nothing about their life. that’s all. i got sick of it happening on several occasions, so i went off. and as soon as i did, i get ripped apart by people with dissenting opinions.
at least you were mature enough to comment with your perspective, instead of threatening me. thank you for that.
i am fully aware that it wasn’t an attack on jereme. what jimmy wrote didn’t bother me, really. it’s what a lot of the commenters said that kind of upset me. like, “i’ve been waiting for this my entire life!” uh, have you really? statements like that just don’t make any sense to me. i rarely see these people try to actually get to know jereme. it seems as though they’re stuck on his abrasive exterior simply because they don’t care to see more of him, and it’s just easier to say negative things about him. and don’t say people haven’t said negative things—i know who has, even if i don’t acknowledge it.
i just don’t understand how people can criticize someone when they know absolutely nothing about their life. that’s all. i got sick of it happening on several occasions, so i went off. and as soon as i did, i get ripped apart by people with dissenting opinions.
at least you were mature enough to comment with your perspective, instead of threatening me. thank you for that.
Personally, I like Jereme. He and P.H. bump heads a lot. I also like P.H. Maybe I’m a weird exception. I saw this as a fun poke in the side. Honestly, I’d be proud to get jabbed at like this.
That people threatened you is sick and unacceptable. We’re supposed to be adults and artists.
Anyway, cheers
Personally, I like Jereme. He and P.H. bump heads a lot. I also like P.H. Maybe I’m a weird exception. I saw this as a fun poke in the side. Honestly, I’d be proud to get jabbed at like this.
That people threatened you is sick and unacceptable. We’re supposed to be adults and artists.
Anyway, cheers
i like jereme too! yay!
it just makes me sad that a lot of people dislike him when they know nothing about him. and it is sad that the people who dislike him say so to other people behind his back.
like i said above—i’d heart everyone if they weren’t such fucking meanies. and that’s from the heart, yo.
i like jereme too! yay!
it just makes me sad that a lot of people dislike him when they know nothing about him. and it is sad that the people who dislike him say so to other people behind his back.
like i said above—i’d heart everyone if they weren’t such fucking meanies. and that’s from the heart, yo.
i wasnt necessarily insinuating that the content or the contributors werent any good. i simply meant that once upon a time it seemed that htmlgiant meant something different than it does now. like everyone sat down and had a fucking meeting and decided that they had to make changes in order to “be taken more seriously: or “appear more legit.” it just seems like the motivations for running the site now have transformed from its original intention. or am i just fucking crazy?
also, gena, regarding this comment “it just makes me sad that a lot of people dislike him when they know nothing about him.”
i want to say that i enjoy jereme’s commentary and comments on here very much and i think htmlgiant lost something valuable when he stopped contributing. whoever made that decision was a fuckwad.
but i gotta say, jereme doesnt offer much else for folks on this sie to base their opinion of him on. i mean, how well do people really know people they encounter on the internet? not well at all. so all we know and make judgements on are what we’re presented with. so, for me personally, i love what jereme brings to the table, what i know of him i like, when i met him i felt good about him as a human being, but for people who get a different vibe, you have to admit they they are basing their judgement on a very limited version of himself that he presents to the public. and people have no choice but to respond in a love/hate sort of way.
i wasnt necessarily insinuating that the content or the contributors werent any good. i simply meant that once upon a time it seemed that htmlgiant meant something different than it does now. like everyone sat down and had a fucking meeting and decided that they had to make changes in order to “be taken more seriously: or “appear more legit.” it just seems like the motivations for running the site now have transformed from its original intention. or am i just fucking crazy?
also, gena, regarding this comment “it just makes me sad that a lot of people dislike him when they know nothing about him.”
i want to say that i enjoy jereme’s commentary and comments on here very much and i think htmlgiant lost something valuable when he stopped contributing. whoever made that decision was a fuckwad.
but i gotta say, jereme doesnt offer much else for folks on this sie to base their opinion of him on. i mean, how well do people really know people they encounter on the internet? not well at all. so all we know and make judgements on are what we’re presented with. so, for me personally, i love what jereme brings to the table, what i know of him i like, when i met him i felt good about him as a human being, but for people who get a different vibe, you have to admit they they are basing their judgement on a very limited version of himself that he presents to the public. and people have no choice but to respond in a love/hate sort of way.
i am happy to know you, barry. i agree with what you said. i guess i take people’s views of jereme very personally as opposed to other people. but i guess that’s to be expected, right?
and what you said about htmlgiant is exactly how i feel. i don’t come here for the posts most of the time, just the comments. i wonder how many other people do the same?
i am happy to know you, barry. i agree with what you said. i guess i take people’s views of jereme very personally as opposed to other people. but i guess that’s to be expected, right?
and what you said about htmlgiant is exactly how i feel. i don’t come here for the posts most of the time, just the comments. i wonder how many other people do the same?
i miss you, barry. come to buffalo!
i miss you, barry. come to buffalo!
gena: i’m happy to know you too.
elizabeth: i wish i could.
gena: i’m happy to know you too.
elizabeth: i wish i could.
Helluva a birthday present, I suppose.
Helluva a birthday present, I suppose.
does this remind anyone else of the “please come to boston” song or am i alone in left field listening to shitty music?
rambling boy won’t you settle down, new brunswick ain’t your kinda town….
does this remind anyone else of the “please come to boston” song or am i alone in left field listening to shitty music?
rambling boy won’t you settle down, new brunswick ain’t your kinda town….
well, there’s always DENVER AWP to get to know people – i must admit that meeting people LIVE and IN PERSON has been an interesting experience over the last couple of years – mostly at the AWPs in NYC and Chicago – but sure gena, people online can be much different than people in real life – some people are EXACTLY the same, but it’s always easier to toss off a comment or berate somebody online – much easier to be a dick
i thought this column was hilarious and in good taste and never thought anybody was being harsh
at another place i hang, The Cult (http://www.chuckpalahniuk.net) there are a handful brutal personalities, but that’s kind of what makes it fun, yes? and it’s always funnier when that light is cast on somebody ELSE
if we all agreed all the time, or everybody walked around going
“oh pardon me”
“no, you first”
“thanks, that was a great story”
“i love your work”
“i love yours”
“no i love yours more”
it’d be a pretty boring place – sometimes the fringe element, those with a different perspective, on or off their meds, drunk or sober, pissy or just plain mean, can stir up the most interesting comments
and say the funniest things
my .02
well, there’s always DENVER AWP to get to know people – i must admit that meeting people LIVE and IN PERSON has been an interesting experience over the last couple of years – mostly at the AWPs in NYC and Chicago – but sure gena, people online can be much different than people in real life – some people are EXACTLY the same, but it’s always easier to toss off a comment or berate somebody online – much easier to be a dick
i thought this column was hilarious and in good taste and never thought anybody was being harsh
at another place i hang, The Cult (http://www.chuckpalahniuk.net) there are a handful brutal personalities, but that’s kind of what makes it fun, yes? and it’s always funnier when that light is cast on somebody ELSE
if we all agreed all the time, or everybody walked around going
“oh pardon me”
“no, you first”
“thanks, that was a great story”
“i love your work”
“i love yours”
“no i love yours more”
it’d be a pretty boring place – sometimes the fringe element, those with a different perspective, on or off their meds, drunk or sober, pissy or just plain mean, can stir up the most interesting comments
and say the funniest things
my .02
I aspire to someday being “‘sommolier says’ed” for leaving a comment SO FUNNY that Jimmy Chen sprays sangria out’ his nose.
I aspire to someday being “‘sommolier says’ed” for leaving a comment SO FUNNY that Jimmy Chen sprays sangria out’ his nose.
fleetwood mac
fleetwood mac
One problem for me is that the original statement by Dean isn’t a “whine” at all. Besides, the essential condescending attitude makes this post mildly amusing at best. Anyone who laughed out loud must live a truly humorless life, or is exaggerating to make Chen feel better. Way to slick to be funny.
One problem for me is that the original statement by Dean isn’t a “whine” at all. Besides, the essential condescending attitude makes this post mildly amusing at best. Anyone who laughed out loud must live a truly humorless life, or is exaggerating to make Chen feel better. Way to slick to be funny.