In a recent tussle betwixt Jereme Dean, in which Reynard passive aggressively “bracket-belches” (i.e. [belch]) in response to the prospects of the former commenting more, Jereme, in his response to that, unfortunately misuses the apostrophe in “belch’s,” leading Reynard to say:

& an apostrophe does not denote the plural

Sommelier Says: It’s wonderful how the ampersand resembles, and operates as, the treble clef — cuing the melodic brassy notes to come. (One imagines a rusty trombone.) Seifert’s eloquent bouquet of alliterated “o”s in “does not denote” opens an olfactory opulence for, oh, I don’t know. The quick jab at someone’s grammar to demonstrate one’s superior education and/or anal retentiveness has prominent notes of douchebag and raspberry. Such syntactical severity gets better with age, so just keep him in a dark cellar for five years, and those who believe “nutty flavors” involve teabags will wish to try it out on Mr. Seifert the next time he opens his mouth.

I hate eyewear ads where models who don’t need glasses wear glasses — just seems so fake, and makes me resent the models more for having better genes than me. (Would you have a leg amputee model shoes? — I think not.) I also get annoyed at legally-blind intellectuals who feel they are above Lasik surgery, or think that contacts are a cosmetic option. Chomsky said “From the popular culture to the propaganda system, there is constant pressure to make people feel that they are helpless, that the only role they can have is to ratify decisions and to consume.” I think what he meant was: people are made to feel like they need to buy stuff to feel better. No conspiracy Noam, it’s called a shopping mall. Speaking of feeling better, I think I would feel better if Noam bought new glasses, maybe even the more expensive “featherweight” lenses. In short, glasses ought to be real, but not too thick. Everyone is either shallow or too deep; just give me a kiddie pool to drown in. Thank you for accepting the truth, and for being able to see this.