Hail to the hobo king

presterjohn

“It was all right,” said Norwood. “Some hobo got my boots on the train. He was one more slick customer. He took ’em right off my feet and I didn’t see him or hear him. Yeah, and I wisht I could get aholt of that sapsucker. He’d think boots. I wouldn’t care if it was the hobo king. It may of been the hobo king. He was plenty slick. Well, I’m not being serious there.”

“About what, the king?”

“They have a got a king. That’s right, this is no lie, I read this. They have got them a king just like England and France and he rules over every tramp in America just like…a king.”

Has anyone else here heard about this boxcar monarch? Is he in Bulfinch? I’m ready to swear allegiance to him right this second, I swear to gawd. Now taking applications for inclusion on a road trip to the Big Rock Candy Mountain.

Excerpts / 8 Comments
April 7th, 2009 / 8:09 am

On Influence: ‘DOOM, DOOM, DOOM!’

year_madvillain

I was at a reading end of last year or sometime, this guy, reading words on paper, talked between the things he’d written previously, to explain the things he’d written previously, though in a way so that the lead-ins were way better than the things themselves, making me huddle in the head some for the idea of making words, at least in there.

Word schools. “My father was a steel man: me, I’m in syllables, ones that don’t quite say.”

Me too, me too, I’m sure.

Regardless, during one of these monologues between glossies the dude said something about how when he teaches fresh writing students, the first thing he tells ’em is how they have to get out of the mode of imitating what they love. How they needed to stop trying to mimic other writers in the mind of ‘using their own voice.’

I seriously had to grab my pitching arm from grabbing a book off the shelf of the store the reading was in and lobbing it at dude’s head.

I bit my mouth and forgot about it for a while, so I could get out without hemorrhage.

All this acting as a lead-in for the real post I wanted to post, my current favorite viral video of the month:

Mos Def in admiration for his man the MF Doom

Magic begets magic, like how I get up any day at all, maybe.

Those ones that make you glow.

READ MORE >

Random & Web Hype / 41 Comments
April 6th, 2009 / 3:20 pm

Mean Monday: Fuck Everybody, I Hated This Book

Hi. I am in a really bad mood although I was in a worse one a few hours ago but I just paid a woman to make me lift weights for an hour and feel maybe a bit better? Hm. Nah. I came home from working out and spent 30 minutes or so cleaning up cat urine. My house still stinks to high hell. I hate my old cats. I am going to have them put to sleep. I hate them. They pee everywhere. Also, when I was working out? I smelled cat pee. I took my clothes out of a laundry basket full of clean clothes and so what that means is one of them got in the laundry basket and peed on my clean fucking clothes. Hi, lady who worked me out! I smell like cat piss! Be my friend! I was hungover when I got to the gym- hi, scotch and a pack of cigarettes, I hate myself more than I hate everybody else- but now I am not so hungover. One of my cats slept on my head though last night, so I am asthmatic today because of that. Fuck everything. It’s raining like crazy. READ MORE >

Mean / 29 Comments
April 6th, 2009 / 2:15 pm

HTMLGiant Readin’

giantreadin

Larger flyer here.

Come out. See people read. See this person live. See this person live, too. See the person who wrote this live. See Kevin Sampsell host. (See me.) See all this in Portland.

The next night, see a variation of this in Seattle. Add this person with the glasses to the line up. Subtract the pidgeon guy.

PAY NOTHING FOR BOTH events! Except maybe if you buy books.

Also, BUY BOOKS. This top book, maybe.

Web Hype / 12 Comments
April 6th, 2009 / 1:02 pm

Mean monday (statistical interlude)

kiwiIn an effort to reimplement the somewhat abandoned concept ‘mean Monday,’ I’ve decided to take the mean testicle count of our contributors. For you lit-freaks that blow at math, the ‘mean’ or ‘arithmetic mean’ of any given set is “the sum of all of the list divided by the number of items in the list.” ‘Average’ is too broad and generic a term, as it may mean (no pun intended) ‘median’ or ‘mode.’

arithmeanformula1Okay, here we go: there are 11 male contributors, all of whom (presumably) have two testicles, giving us a total of 22 testicles. There are 3 female contributors, giving us a total of 14 total contributors. Take 22 and divide by 14, and you have 1.57 — the number of testicles each contributor has. (Juxtapose this with 0.43 ovaries per contributor.)

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Mean / 5 Comments
April 6th, 2009 / 12:36 pm

These Are Not Divergences They Are Where You Mean to Go

The trailer for Kathryn Regina‘s chapbook forthcoming from Greying Ghost is enough to make you cry.

Ingrid Burrington is an artist and writer in Baltimore, MD. Her work is pithy and remarkable. Check out this frames gag.

Nathan Leslie nails tone in “Pickle Man,” his story in the new JMWW.

If you care about chapbooks, what if you were in NYC on April 23-25 and went to this conference, called “A Celebration of the Chapbook“?

Via Chris Higgs, here is Ad-Art by Steve Lambert, a Firefox plug-in that replaces online ads with art. Will this development ruin online publishing?

I received HTML Giant-owned Chelsea Martin’s book Everything Was Fine Until Whatever from Future Tense this weekend. It’s amazing. Here’s a rad video (*I updated this link to the Noo Journal one I just watched, which is newer*).

Baseball season is now upon us, and accordingly Hobart released their annual baseball issue yesterday. In Simon Smith’s “Man’s Man,” an overzealous pinch-runner shoulda held at third. It’s literally mind-blowing.

Do link round-ups work in this Web 2.0 era, or are they more pre-embeddable video?

Web Hype / 6 Comments
April 6th, 2009 / 11:27 am

Keeping up with 52 Stories

Why is this the 4th most popular Google image for fifty-two weeks?

Why is this the 4th most popular Google image result for "fifty-two weeks?" Your guess is as good as mine.

Hey remember when Blake Butler was on Cal Morgan’s Fifty-Two Stories and we all got excited? Yeah, me too. Well that was a few weeks ago, so I thought tonight I’d pop back over to see what’s been going on since.

As you’ll recall, Blake’s “The Copy Family” was #11.

The copy family would not speak when spoken in to—though they had heartbeat, they were breathing. Their copy eyes were wet and stretched with strain.

That was followed by a classic, Stephen Crane’s “The Pace of Youth” at #12.

The summer sunlight sprinkled its gold upon the garnet canopies carried by the tireless racers and upon all the devices of decoration that made Stimson’s machine magnificent and famous.

Then things got even, um, classicer, with Dostoyevsky’s “The Dream of a Ridiculous Man” at #13.

I suddenly felt that it made no difference to me whether the world existed or whether nothing existed anywhere at all. I began to be acutely conscious that nothing existed in my own lifetime.

And now, the current story, in at #14, the second-ever story (after Blake’s) to emerge from the 52 slushbox, Casey Kait’s “Year of the Dog.

At first, I saw her only at school events—the annual party or the one day each summer the class drove to the beach. But over time she’d stop by when I got home from school with containers of noodles or dumplings that she had made. “So Mommy doesn’t have to cook tonight, okay?” We started to love her. All of us.

I’m especially excited because, as it happens, I actually know Casey Kait a little bit as well. We were MFAs at New School at the same time, and if memory serves, we took Dale Peck’s literature seminar together. Congrats, Casey!

And cheers to 52 Stories– keep it coming!

Uncategorized / 6 Comments
April 6th, 2009 / 11:19 am

Tattoo Madness (a guest missive from the Tyrant)

A report on the way in from way out from Master Giancarlo DiTrapano:

Ah ha ha ha ha.  You have GOT to be kidding me.  After smoking a joint with my coffee this morning, I began to cruise around Facebook (I feel like less of a loser when I Facebook stoned).  That’s when I came across this absolute JEWEL of a tattoo.  Just look at it.  Behold it….

velocitytattoo

First, I thought it was a joke.  Not only is it the title (altered slightly) of a David Eggers book, but it is the title of his absolute worst one.  Now, Eggers has written a cool thing or two, I will admit.  And he helps all the kids learn to write with irony and stuff at those 666 places. I even once read a nice paragraph that Eggers wrote. The thing is, just never two in a row.  I think that’s his style though.  Modulation sells.  Wait, back to the tattoo: Is this tattoo supposed to be funny? I’m going to go out on a limb here and recommend that we all think to ourselves that it is.  For if the reality is that it is not supposed to be funny, then the sad marring of this heavenly sculpted back is certain to overtake me on this first real beautiful day of spring in New York City.

To be fair, here are my tattoos.  Laugh away.

photo-20

photo-25

So who else has the lit tattoo or whatnot? Let’s have a hear at it?

Anyone who happens to be a part of Shelley Jackson’s SKIN who emails me gets both issues of No Colony free.

Web Hype / 49 Comments
April 5th, 2009 / 10:48 pm

THE BRANDI WELLS REVIEW

the BRANDI WELLS REVIEW now exists. i think they accept anything. the good thing about accepting anything is that anything has a chance to please other people. there is no bad thing about accepting anything because you don’t have to read the bad things. the shit still sucks shit and the good still flushes shit. also, i really like brandi wells. read anything of hers you can. bye.

Uncategorized / 14 Comments
April 5th, 2009 / 5:06 pm

Find the Story: A Contest

I am cleaning my office. This sucks.  Right now, I am taking a break. Yet, I do find all sorts of fun stuff when I “organize” my life. I found this torn out page from a New Yorker. The date is December 25, 2006-January 1, 2007. Otherwise, all I have is the last page of a story that clearly moved me, in particular the ending (good job, mystery author) and I remember these lines filled a carved spot inside me at the time:

Existence in the here and now only made me realize how much attraction the past exerts.

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Contests / 9 Comments
April 5th, 2009 / 11:35 am