Don’t name names.
Sometimes I’ll read through a post here and read the comments, and someone will tell a story about an unnamed authors weird/bad/inappropriate behavior and I’ll think, “Man, who the hell did that?” And I’ll want the commenter or poster to name names. Tell me who did that weird/bad/inappropriate thing.
But names won’t be named. And I’ll think, “Aw, c’mon. Why not? What are you afraid of? Go on. Name the name!”
Someone else will ask for names to be named. Someone will say, “C’mon. Be honest. Just tell us who did that thing. It’s in the interest of open communication!”
And that’s about the time when I realize: bullshit. My desire to have a name named has nothing to do with open communication. It has nothing to do with honesty. I have one—and only one—motivation. I may come up with justifications after the fact, but I have one motivation.
I like gossip. That’s it. And everyone else does, too. We can mask our desire for names to be named in all sorts of higher-seeming justifications. But we just want to gossip.
So, fuck it. Don’t name names. We don’t really have any good reason to want them. And when we pressure you, cajole you, or try to make you feel like a coward for not naming names, remember that we’re completely full of shit. Don’t fall for it.
(Apologies for feeding the troll. Happens often enough, though.)
Happy Birthday
from the editor, Darby Larson:
ABJECTIVE turned one year old over the weekend officially with Stump by David Peak. I as a human being want to personally thank everyone who submitted over the last year. As an editor it was humbling to be able to have so much to choose from. Maybe peruse the archives. They are already in love with you and ready to be loved. Love.
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November 19th, 2009 / 3:09 pm
November 19th, 2009 / 3:09 pm
Michael Kimball interviews Robert Lopez
Another excellent Michael Kimball interview at the Faster Times, this time with Robert Lopez, whose Kamby Bolongo Mean River should be on each and every Best of the Year list that knows anything about anything. Seriously had a more visceral emotional response to this book than any in recent memory, in the strangest of ways, such that I ended up just staring off between each sentence, feeling it bump around inside my head. An incredible example of how voice and sentences alone can create a heavy, gorgeous, multivalent whole. I’m giving a copy to my mom for Christmas this year.
Let’s All Fall In Love With C.E. Morgan
What do I know about C.E. Morgan? Not much. Basically, three things. (1) She wrote a novel called All The Living. (2a) Christine Schutt chose her as one of the “5 under 35” thing that the National Book Awards does. To me a Schutt recommendation is as good as gold, and knowing that one of my favorite authors admires this book is enough to make me want to own it immediately. Anyway, from the NBA page I also know that she (2a) has a master’s in theology, and (2b) is beautiful. (3a) She wrote this essay for Largehearted Boy where she provides an expansive introduction to classical music, which I have been desperate for someone to provide me with for some time. (3b) Here’s a short story called “Over By Christmas” that was published in the New York Times last year. So cheers to you, C.E.! Glad to know (of) you. Will report back to ya’ll re the book as soon as there’s something to say.
Authotrope
There should be a Duotrope-like thing for editors, where editors can report info on their submitters, like how many times each author submits work that shows they’ve completely ignored the guidelines and/or even the general tastelines of the magazine, how many submissions and follow up emails they’ve sent within a certain period, the average rate at which those submitters are rejected, and how many issues of the magazine that submitter has actually bought, and some other bonus crud. “Man, Joey Larfdensen is so irresponsible! Another 40 second period between one rejection and the next submission? Another vampiric baby-biting neo-noir story to our parenting magazine? A personal response to our personal response saying what a bunch of ‘tasteless bongdicks’ we are? He’s just not treating us editors fairly, I say!” Democracy! Peeyawww!
Some Jews are OK?
Thanks to Tony O’Neill for the tip off: christwire.org calls Jonathan Safran Foer “A Jewish Star Christians Really Can Follow!”.
Some direct quotes from the article:
John Updike crowned Foer the genius voice of his generation, but sadly, the rest of that generation was off growing goatees and clicking around MySpace.
His soaring words put cruel and negative Jewish writers like Gary Shteyngart, Sam Lipsyte and Michael Chabon to shame. All they write about is chasing homely girls and how they lack the jocky virility to open a mayonnaise jar. Pathetic!
Snap! Take that Lipsyte, ya hack!
Conjunctions 53
is out now, the Hybrid Histories issue, and as always full of magic power. Among those: Andrew Ervin, Samuel Beckett, Thomas Bernhard, Robert Coover, William Gass, Tim Horvath, Peter Gizzi, Francise Prose, Paul La Farge.
Matt Bell’s incredible long story His Last Great Gift is also included, and can be read online here. It’s a brain eater, as we’ve come to expect on the regular from Mr. Bell.
Its first graph:
SPEAR HAS ALREADY BEEN living in the cabin overlooking High Rock for two weeks when the Electricizers speak of the New Motor for the first time. Awakened by their voices, Spear feels his way down the hallway from the dark and still unfamiliar bedroom to his small office. He lights a lamp and sits down at the desk. Scanning the press of ghastly faces around him, he sees they’re all here tonight: Jefferson and Rush and Franklin, plus his own namesake, John Murray. They wait impatiently for him to prepare his papers, to dip a pen in ink and shake it free of the excess. When he’s ready, they begin speaking, stopping occasionally to listen to other spirits that Spear can’t quite see, that he doesn’t yet have the skills to hear. These hidden spirits are far more ancient, and Spear intuits that they guide the Electricizers in the same way that the Electricizers guide him.
There aren’t that many magazines you can count on to be provocative and powerful from end to end most every time. Conjunctions is one of those. And you can subscribe for a year for $18 in the US. You will wish you had earlier, I can pretty much promise.
Uncategorized / 33 Comments
November 18th, 2009 / 4:24 pm
November 18th, 2009 / 4:24 pm
Adam Robinson—
Seven Stories Press is giving away books on Black Friday. Good deal — their new one, The Old Garden by Hwang Sok-yung is supposed to be great. Anyone read it? [via NewPages]
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Dear Bob Dylan, Just When I Think I Can’t Love You More Than I Do Already, You Go And Do Something Like This
via Brooklyn Vegan, with a hat tip to my friend Maggie. Set the video to fullscreen if you’ve got a lick of sense.