This year in place of our regular “Mean Week,” HTMLGIANT will be running something we’d like to call our Tournament of Bookshit, in which 64 book related shits will be placed into an NCAA style bracket to square off and determine, by the most arbitrary means possible, [something]. What that [something] is I have no idea, but I do know that our tournament will operate by the same wily-nily sure let’s do it this way found in most any literary competition, whether it be list making, book jousting, or whatever else you’ve got.
Below you’ll find a list of the 64 entities selected pretty much on a whim to be our contestants. They’re silly. For each round a guest judge of various description and sensibilities will analyze each in light of each other and then select one by whatever terms they like to go forward, with perhaps a Mean Week attitude in mind. In the end, we’ll crown a very special winner the King Shit Mountain of Super Bookshit.
We’ve also set up, for those taking score at home, a bracket system where you can fill out your predictions if you want. It requires you to sign up but only takes a second. At the end we’ll have a prize pool of literary stuff to give to whoever somehow pulls that magic high score out of the hat of darkness.
Any authors/publishers/etc interesting in throwing in on the prizes, please leave a comment with what you’d like to give away and we’ll include it in the winnings and link it in a round up of Kind Souls.
Registration and prediction is free and will be open until the first decisions begin posting on Wednesday around Noon. Playoffs will continue at whatever pace they continue at.
The contestants:
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EAST
* ‘magic realism’ vs. living in Brooklyn
* Facebook status updates re: present MS word count vs. Alcoholism
* excessively long list of credits including pushcart nominations in your bio vs. the guy who goes 20 minutes over the suggested reading time
* flarf vs. AWP
* livetweeting vs. [yourauthorname].com
* work at Best Buy vs. undergrad Lit 101 adjunct
* Calling yourself the editor-in-chief of an online journal vs posting pics of other people’s books on facebook
* ‘is the author of’ vs. bowties
MIDWEST
* “everybody has a story” vs. “show don’t tell”
* announcing yourself as ‘available for interviews’ vs. following several thousand people on twitter
* literary marriage vs. child of famous author’s novel
* NaNoWriMo vs. ‘What is your novel about?’
* no-taste design aesthetic online magazine (ie w/ blogger template + google ads) vs. Daily facebook updates of what you ate / listened to while writing today
* gordon lish vs. foot fetish
* emailing drafts of your writing to people you dont know vs. readings with so many people reading no one listens to anyone
* hating on Jonathan Franzen vs. hating on Jonathan Safran Foer
SOUTH
* characters that ‘just have to have their stories told’ vs. celebrity fiction
* talking shit about the New Yorker while submitting frequently to the New Yorker vs. dream sequence w/ talking animals
* ‘short-short’ referring to whiskey consumption vs. asking for facebook ‘friends’ to review your book on amazon
* ‘curating’ a reading series vs. crossing off your typed name and signing your name below it in your book
* Chapbook blurbs vs Facebook-based political ‘activism’
* lit blogging at age 35 vs. tweeting at age 45
* calling anything you write a manuscript vs. author photos
* Gmail chat people who are always visible vs. people who leave really long comments / ask long questions
WEST
* declaring ‘__ is dead’ vs. nationwide facebook invite to local reading
* horny middle aged balding poetry professor on campus vs. horny college age dude-bro poet on facebook
* trolling for spelling errors in blog posts vs. changing your facebook picture daily
* Sewage Treatment Technologies vs. The Pulitzer Prize
* discussion of gender in publishing vs. discussion of race in publishing
* the Georgia Review vs dinner at Chili’s
* middle aged white male heterosexual sex scene vs. middle age white male self published sci fi novel pt 1 of 4
* ‘lyric essays’ vs. Daily facebook updates on what you’re doing with your students
/////////////// FILL OUT YOUR BRACKET NOW
The Lit Pub will donate a snazzy T-shirt and a stack of random books.
PGP prize offering is a further contest — Poetry vs. Fiction — cuz winner takes two new new books: Melissa Broder’s poems Meat Heart and Justin Sirois’s novel Falcons on the Floor.
Also, is nothing sacred?
this is gonna be cool.
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
I’ll donate a copy of, Treating A Sick Animal, Flash and Micro Fictions
lol.. the brackets..
the fucking info
$5 cash to the winner
lol
Bowl of dicks. Just wanted to say it. Bowl of dicks.
vs. Kickstarter campaign video to raise $5 cash for the winner
Yessssss
I’d like to see poems about poetry take on late 1970s cocaine snorting in discos.
i love the brackets — i’ll donate *signed* first edition [Knopf, New York, 2005] of ishiguro’s ‘never let me go,’ hard cover w/ dust jacket ‘fine condition’
Moonshot will donate a subscription (latest issue + upcoming issue).
Is this an appropriation of “Faster Times” ?
Good brackets but what is up with switching between American quote usage and British quote usage randomly?
“trolling”/’trawling’ vs. “wily-nily” coyote
The Internet Literature Magazine Blog of the Future Won’t Sit This One Out
vs.
Occupy HTMLGIANT
A copy of In The Skin Of A Lion
$5
Damn. The brackets were hard.
shame and pleasure from that shame in the form of text/shame and pleasure from that shame in the form of a coke drip, late 70s discos win as long as everyone keeps the ‘coke talk’ to a minimum
BOWTIES FTW
TEAM BOWTIES
I’m scared to do this in case I win. But it is the best idea since, um, since tweeting at age 45.
birds of lace will donate an assortment of chapbooks, plus a copy of anna joy springer’s ‘the birdwisher.’
Bowties totally won on my bracket too. Final matchup was Bowties vs. Dinner at Chili’s.
Which guest judges can I pay to become lobbyists for ‘Hating on Franzen’?
Mine was bowties vs. horny professors. I’ve got a teacher fetish. But fashion is the fetish of fetishes!
I was of course upset about choosing between race and gender, but I assume that shit storm will come down later — I wonder what unfortunate individual has been set up to judge that?
This is amazing. And way more fun than Mean Week.
every poem is about poetry
i’ve got dinner at chili’s winning it all.
Prize for guessing Dinner at Chili’s: Dinner at Applebee’s
We’ll donate some Brows! This looks great.
[…] talking about writing: HTMLGIANT just released its Tournament of Bookshit bracket. I’m no expert, but this seems a pretty good representation of writers. Note the battles […]
vs. poems should not mean, but be
My favorite matchup was Discussing gender in publishing vs. Dinner at Chile’s because it read like “Discussing gender in publishing while eating dinner at Chile’s.”
Anyone else get Reading with tons of readers? Anyone?
was close to getting the reading with readers one. very close. for sure. but. sci fi old white guy book 1 had to win. it just had to.
Me too. They narrowly edge out flarf.
Spork will throw in three chapbooks– “The Necropastoral” by Joyelle McSweeney, “From the Fjords” by Zachary Schomburg, and “Complements, Of Us” by Heather Palmer.
PANK will throw in PANK 5 and Matthew Salesses’s book. Tiny Hardcore will throw in copies of our first four titles–Normally Special, Please Don’t Be Upset, So You Know It’s Me, and Steal Me for Your Stories.
Calling yourself the editor-in-chief of an online journal ” classic
“nationwide facebook invite to local reading” lol
I’ll throw in 3 copies of Fog.
Sean
I’ll throw in a year subscription to the Tyrant. Which could mean almost less than one book, but won’t.
ALCOHOLIZZZM TAKES IT.
GENDER VS. CHILE’S WAS DELICIOUS
finally, evidence that comic books are Bad For You: http://frankmillerink.com
unless it’s a fake
that address is accurate for now; here’s one closer to permanent: http://frankmillerink.com/2011/11/anarchy
English 101 Adjunct, FTW.
deadgod vs. THE IMPENDING SILENCE
pretty sure i blew my bracket in round one picking foot fetish over gordon lish.
for the winner, i’ll throw in a copy of “nim chimpsky: live at the german bordello” by me and elizabeth taddonio.
show dont tell
Yassou Agori,
I’ll throw in a copy of my Maribor, Chinese Notebook and Rude Girl.
xoxox
I’ve got “Hating on Franzen” for the win.
i’ve been wanting fantasy football for nerds for the longest time. is this it?
PUERTO DEL SOL will donate a one-year subscription and a copy of Carmen’s book, THE CITY SHE WAS.
[…] predictions for the 2011 Tournament of Bookshit will close tomorrow at noon eastern time, at which point the tourney will […]
Gigantic Sequins will donate two back issues of our mag! http://giganticsequins.com
ha ha never surrender
reyn breyn vs. helen keller falling down in a forest
[…] [Matchup #1 in Tournament of Bookshit] […]
i really needed mean week this year. these brackets are funny but the posts about it will not be even if gian wrote all of them. it’s going to be like the lamest oscar party ever
Turns out I’ve donated the photo illustration for this blog post!
http://www.rumors-studio.com/about
Would appreciate some links on this page. damn.
Would have appreciated some links on here. damn.
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excited for “horny middle aged balding poetry professor on campus vs. horny college age dude-bro poet on facebook”
[…] [Matchup #12 in Tournament of Bookshit] […]
[…] Speaking of year end features, HTMLGIANT has launched a pretty hilarious “tournament of bookshit” pitting the most annoying aspects of the literary world against each other. Early rounds include […]
I took my brackets literally, and decided what I actually preferred of the two, practically or conceptually. I ended up with alcoholism winning over ‘lyric essays.’
Final Winner:
Alcoholism over Lyric Essays
The toughest contests for me were:
living in Brooklyn vs. Alcoholism; celebrity fiction vs. dream sequences with animals; declaring ‘___ is dead vs. horny middle-aged balding professors (as those two are complementary); and lastly, Sewage Treatment Technologies vs. The Pulitzer Prize.Thank you htmlgiant for helping me kill time with such pointlessly productive entertainment.
[…] [Matchup #13 in Tournament of Bookshit] […]
I want to nominate two contenders for next year: the phrase “budding author” and the term “authoress.” Both give me the heebie jeebies.
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[…] Here’s a list of all the first round match-ups. […]
I’ll throw a [PANK] tshirt into this hot mess if it ain’t too late.
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Donating own poetry book to HTMLGIANT tournament of bookshit vs making fun of donating own poetry book to HTLMGIANT tournament of bookshit while still actually donating own poetry book to HTMLGIANT tournament of bookshit
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What a wonderful writing prompt. I’m too busy trying to turn one of the contestants into a story to bother with a bracket, but I rather rooting for the South’s ”
‘short-short’ referring to whiskey consumption” if I can only get the story down to 500 words.
What a fabulous set of writing prompts. I’m too busy trying to get this story on
‘short-short’ referring to whiskey consumption down to 500 words to submit a bracket.
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